Life has gotten stressful. Intensely. I think that I might be depressed a little. I just have been longing for the warmth of sunshine and I’m constantly tired which means all my free time is spend sleeping which means I’m not doing anything which always discourages me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m psychotically happy, there are just things...my job is sort of killing me. But the truth is that I haven’t been a very good employee here. I have not been a faithful cup bearer. I was talking with a friend of mine and telling her this about my job and how I’d like to quit but that I’m not sure I should because I haven’t been faithful in this job and that I feel like there are ways this job is growing me and that I’m not sure God will provide anything else yet because of these things. She actually gave me a look like I might be reading too much into things and being too spiritual and told me that she doesn’t think it always works like that. I didn’t say much at the time, I just sort of mentioned Nehemiah and his journey, but the truth is that in that moment I felt annoyed. I believe that God asks us to show Him we can be faithful in the little things before we are trusted with the big things. I told my friend that night that I’d never really looked at this job as the Lord’s provision or Him preparing me for anything, I got myself this job as a way to keep myself afloat till the next step and have been considering it a burden ever since. Why would God offer me a new and better and higher paying job when I have been nothing but ungrateful for the job I have? I’ m not by any means suggesting God is punishing me....it’s like with kids. When I was a nanny I would sometimes like to bring little treats or something special with me. But when the kids were ungrateful for what I gave them it didn’t just make me feel less like bringing them stuff, it made me feel hurt that what I was already offering wasn’t good enough, that they weren’t thankful I’d brought them something. And even if I had a better plan to bring something even better the next week I would hold off because I wanted them to learn a lesson. I think that’s sort of how I meant my situation with my job and God was. Anyway. That’s not what I even meant to talk about here.
I’m memorizing two verses right now, both from Hebrews. But the one that’s sticking with me today is Hebrews 6:1 which says:
Therefore let us go on toward perfection leaving behind the basic teaching about Christ and not laying again the foundation...
This verse is in the context of milk and solid food and the idea that as we mature and grow in Christ we should be taking on more challenging concepts and learning more and digging deeper. I’m reading in Hebrews right now and to be honest I read this verse a while ago and spent the day on it and the verses surrounding it and it struck me then too and I prayed and meditated on it, but it has just sort of hung around rattling in my brain. I think that at the time (I have since switched notebooks so I can’t go back and look) I thought about how sometimes we’re so caught up in the cross that we lose out on knowing Christ personally. We fall at the foot of the cross and never move again, never grow, never mature. I think I went to this place because I have known so many people who love the Lord, genuinely and truly, but they never move past salvation. Now, yes, we should all try to keep the sense of wonder we felt when we first encountered salvation, but you don’t stay in that “recently saved” place. You grow! There is so much to know and encounter about the Lord! Being born is awesome, but if we stay babies forever we miss out on all the reasons being born is so awesome!
Anyway, that was where I went when I first read it, but the last few days I’ve been hearing it more exasperatedly. I’m trying to change things about myself, sins that plague me, things that come naturally to my human nature that distance me from God. Pretty basic things. I’m spending time in the word and genuinely seeking God’s hand to recreate my innermost being and change me. And yet I fail. Without a second thought. I am still stuck at the foundations. I am still stuck at basic teaching of repentance. I am still stuck in this sinful place of not changing or growing. No one’s perfect, but this says we’re supposed to move toward perfection! Strive for it! Work to achieve as close as we can get. We’re all going to fail and fall, but there should be some margin of growth. I feel like this Bible verse is aimed at me this morning, reminding me that I’ve been arrogant and cocky, considering myself much further than I really am, letting myself off the hook on things because I’m “doing so well” when the truth is that I am still stuck at the foundation.
I want to live pleasing to the Lord. I want to grow beyond the foundations of Christianity and know God and mature in that knowledge and not be stuck on milk forever. So even though I’m chapters ahead of this verse in my quiet time, I’m going back to it today and meditating on it and reminding myself that I have a ways to go and that I should never be complacent or satisfied with where I am. And neither should you.
P.S. I’m done with snow. Ugh.
I’m memorizing two verses right now, both from Hebrews. But the one that’s sticking with me today is Hebrews 6:1 which says:
Therefore let us go on toward perfection leaving behind the basic teaching about Christ and not laying again the foundation...
This verse is in the context of milk and solid food and the idea that as we mature and grow in Christ we should be taking on more challenging concepts and learning more and digging deeper. I’m reading in Hebrews right now and to be honest I read this verse a while ago and spent the day on it and the verses surrounding it and it struck me then too and I prayed and meditated on it, but it has just sort of hung around rattling in my brain. I think that at the time (I have since switched notebooks so I can’t go back and look) I thought about how sometimes we’re so caught up in the cross that we lose out on knowing Christ personally. We fall at the foot of the cross and never move again, never grow, never mature. I think I went to this place because I have known so many people who love the Lord, genuinely and truly, but they never move past salvation. Now, yes, we should all try to keep the sense of wonder we felt when we first encountered salvation, but you don’t stay in that “recently saved” place. You grow! There is so much to know and encounter about the Lord! Being born is awesome, but if we stay babies forever we miss out on all the reasons being born is so awesome!
Anyway, that was where I went when I first read it, but the last few days I’ve been hearing it more exasperatedly. I’m trying to change things about myself, sins that plague me, things that come naturally to my human nature that distance me from God. Pretty basic things. I’m spending time in the word and genuinely seeking God’s hand to recreate my innermost being and change me. And yet I fail. Without a second thought. I am still stuck at the foundations. I am still stuck at basic teaching of repentance. I am still stuck in this sinful place of not changing or growing. No one’s perfect, but this says we’re supposed to move toward perfection! Strive for it! Work to achieve as close as we can get. We’re all going to fail and fall, but there should be some margin of growth. I feel like this Bible verse is aimed at me this morning, reminding me that I’ve been arrogant and cocky, considering myself much further than I really am, letting myself off the hook on things because I’m “doing so well” when the truth is that I am still stuck at the foundation.
I want to live pleasing to the Lord. I want to grow beyond the foundations of Christianity and know God and mature in that knowledge and not be stuck on milk forever. So even though I’m chapters ahead of this verse in my quiet time, I’m going back to it today and meditating on it and reminding myself that I have a ways to go and that I should never be complacent or satisfied with where I am. And neither should you.
P.S. I’m done with snow. Ugh.
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