Three weeks ago I met the second most handsome and charming man in the world. He's a little short for me, but I got over that fast. Three weeks ago Gabriel Soren Smith finally made his first appearance and Aaron and I both fell in love.
Tuesday morning, April 26th, we went to the hospital at 7:30 to start the induction process. They started the pitocin at 8:30 and I began having contractions immediately. They were little at first but over time got stronger, though the whole time they were irregular. At about 11 I was given the go ahead to have an epidural. I hate needles. The drugs made me drowsy and I slipped in and out of sleeping. At one point when I opened my eyes it seemed like every nurse on the floor was in my room jostling me or adjusting knobs and wires and staring at the monitors. Once the nurses calmed down and started trickling out I asked what had happened. The combination of the epidural lowering my blood pressure significantly, and several intense, on top of each other contractions, had stressed out the baby and his heart rate had dropped. They got it under control and I guess it's not abnormal. The thing that made it scary was just not knowing what was happening when all the nurses were rushing around me. Other than that blip of excitement, things went slowly. My contractions became more regular, but nothing else changed. Literally. From the time we got there at 7:30 in the morning to the time we were asked to make a decision at 9pm, I had dilated to only about 5 or 6 centimeters (depending on who you ask) and I had come into the hospital dilated 3. At 9pm the nurse said that my doctor would be coming in to check everything again at 10, and that if things were still where they were and we hadn't made "significant progress", we would have to start thinking about a c-section. Sure enough, 10 rolled around and my doctor came in and there had been NO progress, forget about significant progress. She told us that the baby was totally fine, and so was I, the issue was just that his head was sort of cocked a little, like he was just laying with his head to one side, meaning not enough pressure was being put on my cervix, which is why I wasn't dilating. She said that although he was fine and I was fine, this wasn't something that was likely to change, and so c-section would be the way to go. Aaron and I were completely unprepared for a c-section. I'd spent weeks, MONTHS, mentally preparing myself to push a human being out of my netherparts. But I hadn't given a second thought to a c-section, a surgery. And neither had Aaron. We asked the doctor lots of questions and I will be forever grateful that she was calm and honest with us as she answered. She told us that though a c-section is considered "routine" it is still major abdominal surgery, and that the recovery process is longer and more painful than for a vaginal birth. She told us how many c-sections she's performed, how long it would take and what would happen directly after. She promised that my grandmother (who'd been at the hospital with us since 9 that morning) and my incredible friend Jennifer (who'd been with us since 6 that evening) would be allowed to break the rules and come into my post-partum room and see the baby even though visiting hours were long over. She told us we could have a little more time to see if anything changed, but that she felt strongly that nothing would. Then she left and gave us some time to talk about it. My incredible, loving, amazing husband cried with me a little (because I'm a pansy and surgery scares me and like I said, I'd had zero mental preparation time) and we talked about whether more time would make a difference. We decided that after 14 hours we wanted Gabriel to be born as soon and as safely as possible. So they wheeled me off to the surgery area and started prepping. Aaron held my hand and stroked my hair the whole time while I said silly, drugged up things. And then, what felt like seconds later, we heard funny little mewing sounds and my doctor told me to look to my right, and there was a nurse holding my gooey kid. "It's a baby. Does he have teeth?" This was my first reaction to Gabriel Soren Smith (about a week before I'd had a terrible dream that he'd been born with teeth and it really, REALLY freaked me out). Then they whisked him away to be cleaned and de-gooped. I saw him again in recovery and Aaron and I got to hold him and love on him for the first time. And we have both been totally smitten ever since.
Gabe is an incredible baby, we've really been blessed. I love every day getting to know him and can't wait for all his little milestones. Every day the weight of being a parent is with me, that the decisions I'm making better be good, that I've got a lot to teach him about being a good and Godly person, and that who he becomes will be a direct reflection of how he was raised. I couldn't ask for a better partner in that responsibility than my husband, and I am trusting God to teach us both how to teach Gabe everything he needs to know.
It's a strange new reality, being home with him everyday. But there's no place better. I have the two most handsome men ever living with me. It's a great life. :)
This is Gabriel's first picture.
And this is Gabriel today.
