Do Justice, Love Kindness

My mother is an alcoholic and like many alcoholics her journey has been about peaks and valleys. She'd been at a peak for quite some time but with a disease like alcoholism if you aren't diligent a peak becomes a cliff and you suddenly find yourself in a valley. A couple weeks ago my mom found herself in one such valley and took her first steps toward a new peak, she sought treatment. It was Saturday morning when I found out that she'd relapsed and checked herself in to a treatment center two states away from where she lives. By the time I knew what was happening she was already checked into the facility and detoxing, meaning speaking to her was impossible. Within a few hours I got another message from my dad, my parents are divorced but my brother had told him what was happening. He sent a single sentence with a link to an article, "This is the place she's in..." 

What did people do before Google? I spent the next 30 hours glued to my phone as I surfed through dozens and dozens of websites calling this facility out, warning people away and sharing the stories of those they loved who had been through this program. The quickest and easiest way to explain the situation is also the most dramatic and unbelievable, but I promise you it’s also the truth. This place was the front for a cult. After crying and praying and researching and struggling to know how to handle the situation I told my husband I just needed a minute of fluffy pretty life where I didn't have to think. There was just the word of a couple dozen nameless internet people to go on and I wasn't sure how to proceed without knowing for certain what this place was. I just needed a break while my brain bounced back. We went to Target, home of all things wonderful, and I embraced sweet not thinking. For five whole minutes. As I stood in the bathroom textile section I got a call from the friend who had helped my mom seek treatment. As she told me the story of how they found this place tears began rolling down my cheeks. Everything she said was matching up with every account I’d read of how people got lured there, from the lies they tell potential clients to get them in the door down to the scamming tactics they used to fool the insurance company. I looked at my husband who simply said “Let’s go get her.” 

Believe it or not this is just the context of what I want to talk about, this story is just the catalyst for something the Lord placed on my heart. I haven’t gone into detail about what I found online, and from here won’t go into detail about how the Lord showed off in helping me and Aaron get my mom out of there. It’s an incredible story about the power of God and someday I will tell it as it’s own story, and not just the backdrop to something else. Suffice it to say that after the longest day of my life and with the help of three law enforcement officers who I will be eternally thankful for we got my mom out. The more I learned about the place, the more the police shared their experiences and the more she herself told me, the longer the reality of what we had done sunk in all I could think was “How could this happen? How could someone do this to people?"

In an effort to find some kind of satisfying answer I have spent the weeks since this happened reading up on different cult leaders and groups and the psychology of how cults attract and maintain a following. The power of every single cult and cult leader hinges on taking advantage of the brokenness in this world, and the pain of the people in it. Their power hinges on being able to fill a need in someone, that is the bait. When you fill a need for someone they begin to feel something for you, gratefulness, appreciation, even love. 

Be warned, I’m about to say some incendiary things. 

These groups take advantage of a vacuum that is created when the people of God forget that He has charged us to love and care for the people of this world as if they are our own selves. When the Church forgets to care for the needy and feed the starving and defend the defenseless and love every last stranger we open the door for those who would take advantage of the needy and the starving and the defenseless and the unknown. When we forget to shine the light of God’s love in the darkness we leave people alone in their pain and grief, we leave them to those who would fill their needs only to twist them around in deception. 

Maybe you’re thinking I don’t know anyone in a cult or even in danger of being in a cult, but I want to connect it for you: this isn’t just about PEOPLE who would twist and deceive the hurting, it’s about the devil himself. This is his MO, this is how he operates, he offers a counterfeit peace, a counterfeit happiness, he offers lies and deceptions to those in the dark and then twists them around and keeps them mired in untruths and bondage. You may not know anyone at risk to joining a cult but we all know those at risk to believing the enemy’s lies, they are our friends and our families and the people who live on our street and the people who drive next to us on the highway and the people in line with us at the grocery store or sitting next to us on the train.

What would our lives look like if we shined the light that is God’s love into peoples darkness? What would their lives look like? 

Sometimes it feels so big, it feels so overwhelming, how could I make a difference? The Bible says "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness does not overcome it" (John 1:5). The light it's talking about is Christ, the Word made flesh. This passage calls Christ the light of all people (vs 4). This is the same Christ that is inside us, the same light inside us, and this light is designed to chase the dark away. Micah 6:8 says "what else does God ask of you but to do justice and love kindness?" Are there two any better ways to shine a light into someone's brokenness than these?!

Kindness, as simple as a smile and gentle word to the people that you come into contact with each day. Justice, as inconvenient as driving across state lines to literally remove someone from the grasp of evil. Why do we let these opportunities to be inconvenienced for the sake of showing someone else the love of God, and maybe, through that, piercing their darkness, go by? We all do it, a hundred times a day we make the choice to leave someone with their needs and in pain, it seems too big or we don’t have time or feel embarrassed or we simply don’t realize the person standing next to us is on the brink of believing a devastating lie. We leave them in darkness and keep our light to ourselves, and we leave a vacuum for them to be swept up by those that would keep them in that bondage. 

Before we left to get my mom, my aunt told me "You're being an incredible example of God's love." All I could think was how?? It didn't feel incredible or explemplary, it just felt like what you do when someone you love is in such a terrible place. 

Maybe that's what it's supposed to feel like when you shine the light of God's love into the dark corners of a broken world. Maybe it's supposed to feel like just what you do. Maybe it isn't about the size of the action or how well we know the person, maybe love is just supposed to be the automatic response to everyone in every moment. Yes we would all do these things for someone we know, someone close to us, but what about the least of these? The strangers? Hebrews says don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, some have done this and entertained angels. Christ says what you do for the least of these you do for me. It’s easy to call ourselves Christians and say that we love everyone, but only ever act out that love for those closest to us. If I learned anything driving away from that place it was that not everyone has someone close to them to rescue them. Plenty of people get left behind in darkness. The Bible says that as Christians those people are our responsibility, 1 John 3:17 asks how can the love of God be in someone who does nothing to help someone in need, Isaiah and Jeremiah both say to correct oppression and deliver the poor from the hand of the oppressors, over and over the Bible commands us to take up the plight of the widows and orphans and fatherless, God implores us to become the family of those who don't have one! 

There is always, always something we can do to shine a light in someone else's dark place. And if we do that then maybe we will take a big chunk out of the number of people vulnerable to the lies and deceptions and counterfeits the enemy sells, there will be less people willing to sell their loyalty to false prophets and twisted men set on binding others in their brokenness. If we do that we will strike a blow for the Kingdom of God and we will truly be fulfilling the call of the Lord on each of our lives. 

For me I feel so convicted, the people still back there in that building weigh on me heavily. We're working with local police and the district attorney there to get that place shut down. But it doesn't feel like enough. I want to be someone who brings light in the darkness before the situation gets that desperate. It is my prayer that everywhere I go the Lord would open doors for me to be a light, big or small, that my eyes would be opened to the endless opportunities to show someone the love of God, the light of Christ that drives out the dark, and that I would be courageous enough to step into those moments, every time. 

{all verses quoted are ESV}

ReMineralization Minus the Sugar

And reelectrolytization. Cause that's a word. 

After several days of a stomach bug being passed around our house I am trying desperately to rehydrate and replenish minerals to our whole fam. My options are the traditional choices, Pedialyte or Gatorade. But if I'm trying to make healthy choices for my family shouldn't that extend to sickness times? Heck, shouldn't that be the time when I make the healthiest choices? Okay, okay, I slipped last week and ate spicy ramen while I had a cold, but hey, I'm back on the wagon! So in terms of healthy choices, how do these options stack up? 

Pedialyte (in it's flavor varieties) uses the artificial sweeteners sucralose and acesulfame potassium. Sucralose (the base of artificial sweetener Splenda) has been a hot topic amongst healthcare professionals for a while now. Recent research has shown that in animals absorption of sucralose caused up to a 40% decrease in the size of the thymus gland (a critical gland for your body's disease response protocol and the core of your immune system), enlarged liver and kidneys, atrophy of lymph follicles and a reduced growth rate. And acesulfame potassium is a potassium salt containing methylene chloride, a known carcinogen, long term exposure to to methylene chloride can cause nausea, headaches, mood problems, impairment of the liver and kidneys, problems with eyesight and more. 

Gatorade, while not as scary sounding because of it's use of real sugar, is a problem for just that reason! The last thing you want to give a child (or adult for that matter) who has been throwing up or experiencing the bathroom blues is a big glass of sugary artificially flavored water. Sugar exacerbates EVERY stomach issue, especially these two. And let's get honest, doesn't it make more sense to follow up a work out with something else good for your body as opposed to something full of sugar and artifical ingredients? 

I realize that all sounds super intense. I'm not trying to be scary with the effects of fake sweeteners, and I don't mean to freak anyone out. I'm not a "cancer is everywhere" kind of person but I do think it's important to know what we're putting in our bodies or our kids bodies, and I do think it's important to know the potential impact those things have. In my home, when I can, I go for something natural and free of additives, sweeteners (even sugar) or artificial preservatives.

Which brings me (FINALLY) to a natural alternative: coconut water! 

In case you're tired of reading I'm just going to go ahead and tell you what I do, and then we'll talk about the benefits. 

For the kids I take one cup of high quality coconut water and add a little POM original and a dash of pineapple juice (real, not from concentrate, no sugar added, pineapple juice) and then fill the rest of the cup with water. For me or the hubs I just make a double dose and add a lime slice or two. That's it! It's actually delicious and probably just going to go in the rotation of THINGS I DRINK ALL THE TIME. 

For a comparison on the minerals in each here is a side by side (or rather top on bottom) comparison. The top are the minerals in a serving Pedialyte and the bottom are the minerals in a serving of coconut water. On top is Pedialyte and on the bottom is coconut water. I feel like this speaks for itself!! 

As for Gatorade, coconut water does contain less sodium and fewer carbohydrates. One option is to add an eighth of a teaspoon of sea salt to the drink to up the sodium. I don't particularly feel the need to ingest more sodium in life, and am willing to sacrifice some sodium and carbs for the sake of a preservative free, no added sugar option. 

Whether as a post stomach bug replenish or a post work out boost, it just just makes more sense to me to do something as natural and real as possible. 

One last note? Coconut water must be used within 48 hours of opening the container. If you find it hard to drink it all within that time, an excellent option is to freeze it in cubes and throw it in your post workout shake! Frozen it is good for about two months! 

What are your hydration favorites?

A Valentine Poem

oh the way you look 

at a man.

the kind of man

who brings sunflowers, 

too many to fit in a vase;

the kind of man

who picks out which

lipstick 

he'd like to kiss off you; 

the kind of man

who makes your coffee 

every morning 

(caramel colored and

and not quite sweet enough 

but it's the best part 

of every day); 

the kind of man 

who sleeps next to you

in your high school 

bedroom, 

chasing old demons 

to blaze new paths; 

the kind of man

with a baby 

on his hip, 

reading a bedtime story,

kissing scraped knees 

and fixing broken toys;

the kind of man 

with hard worked hands,

integrity and loyalty 

made flesh; 

the kind of man 

who has heard your 

worst words

and seen your

worst face; 

the kind of man 

that takes your hand

in the car

for no reason;

the kind of man 

who has fought 

with you 

and for you;

the kind of man

who has sat through 

sunrises

for the sake of 

sick babies

and pregnancy cravings;

the kind of man 

who calls you beautiful 

first 

thing

in the morning.

oh how you look at 

that kind of man.

you look at him 

like he is the last one

on earth;

the only one ever.

oh that man. 

The Year Without As Much Stuff

We are almost a full month into 2015. I can’t even believe that. I know I’m a few weeks late on the new year/new goals posts, but truthfully I wasn’t sure I was going to share this. And truthfully it’s something we started before the new year.

My husband and I have made an official decision about 2015. It will be The Year Without As Much Stuff (yeah I’m working on a better title, currently taking submissions). The parameters of this goal are simple: anything we CAN buy used we do, and anything we CAN’T buy used we reevaluate the importance of and try to go without. The whys of this goal are less simple. Most people assume it’s about money, but that is not even remotely close to what it’s about.

Let me explain in a way most people (or at least women) I know will understand. Let’s start with Target. Now listen, I love Target. Like, deep in my bones, all the memes are true, I want to sleep there after hours love. L. O. V. E. So I’m heading to Target because the bakery there sells these really incredible shortbread cookies filled with dark chocolate. I can only get them at Target and I need almond milk anyway so I pack up the kids and head out. My three year old, Gabe, wants us to get the BIG cart but it’s a snowy yuck day and they’re all wet and I have nothing to wipe them down with so we have to settle for the regular sized cart and he is pouting as I set him in the basket end and his pouting pushes his sister, my one year old named Lula, into pouts as well. We aren’t two feet into the store when I realize this may not be worth it for the cookies. Conveniently most Targets have a Starbucks inside them and I’m pretty sure a sugary frothy warm cup of goodness is just what I need (that’s on the menu, just ask for it). As I’m standing there waiting to order my son see’s the chocolate milk and stops his pouting and angelically asks if he can have one, so I get him one because he did say please and chocolate milk is a once in a blue moon treat and I’m here for my once in a blue moon treat so why not. While we wait for my drink to be made I notice that the new line of cold cup tumblers are on display and the old new line of cold cup tumblers is on clearance for 20% off and $10 is a bargain for a cup that used to be $12 and as anyone who knows me can attest I am a sucker for a cold cup. It’s a weird obsession, I know.

Okay, now on to the cookies and the milk. And maybe just a quick peruse through the clearance clothes. I don’t need anything in particular at the moment but a bargain is a bargain and double plus bonus when a bargain is also cute! And sure enough, all their wintery delightful sweaters are somewhere between 30 and 70 percent off. I grab two. I love a good cardi.

And just for good measure I’m going to swing through the dollar spot, because, hello, everything is $1-$3! And look! Fuzzy winter socks, cute chalkboard stickers, washi tape and kids sunglasses! Man! Alright, I’m done, I swear, wait, baby clothes, NO! I’m done. Heading to the cashier now. Man, this was a really productive trip to Target, I think to myself as I pay for all my new awesomeness.

Productive.

What exactly did I produce, you ask? Well, one sunny, cold, self-reflective morning I asked that too. And the answer? Waste. All kinds of it.

I want to stop here and say something really, really clearly. This post is not meant to shame anyone. I’m not interested in convincing anyone of anything. What I’m interested in is talking about how I felt after I had this epiphanous moment. So understand that anything I say from here on out is directed at me and not you, if it pricks at you, impacts you or challenges you, then truthfully I’m glad, but my intent here is to explain me, not condemn you.

There are a million reasons for me to change this behavior of buying more than I need in myself, to teach my children differently. But here my top two.

Kingdom mindedness - I crave a simple life, not small, but simple. Look at John the Baptist. The man ate bugs, he slept in the desert and wore the same clothes everyday. But his life was anything but small. Sometimes I think we mistake the number of options we have in any area of our lives for the size of the life that we’re living. The more clothes we have, the more gadgets we have, the more hip wall art or trendy accessories we gather, the more we start to see those things as some sort of announcement that we’re doing well, that we’re doing something big. I want to live a genuinely big life, a life where God is at the center of it, where my actions and thoughts and everything I do glorifies Him and contributes to His kingdom. And sometimes less options and more simplicity is more conducive to that. I never want to be blinded by how much I have and be fooled into complacency, to be deceived into thinking I’ve accomplished something. Warren Wiersbe talks about being Kingdom minded, and I don’t think it’s possible to be Kingdom minded if my life and home are cluttered with distractions of this earth. Please hear me say I am not against things. I love things. But I am against the over abundance of things. Think of it this way: if what I treasure is one earth than I am earth minded, I will over complicate my life and focus on the small facts of my temporal situation. But if what I treasure is in Heaven, then I will be Kingdom minded, I will focus on the eternal things and live a simple but big life.

19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:19-21

Social Responsibility - This is a big umbrella, and a lot falls under it. When I buy something I’m using my money to say that I approve of that company. When I spend money at a company I am saying I’m on board with how much or how little they monitor their supply chain, how they treat their workers, how their manufacturers and textile factories treat their workers, their company policies and their environmental impact. I’m not only supporting them I am supporting the companies they support in all of these categories as well, and so on and so on. That’s a lot of responsibility. But it doesn’t end there. After I’ve bought this something, say my hypothetical sweater from Target, and I’ve worn it a few times and it’s okay, but one day it doesn’t make it through the spring cleaning purge. Into the bag it goes to be donated to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. That’s not so bad, right? Except only 20% of the clothing donated to Goodwill makes it into stores. Annually the US exports over a billion pounds of used clothing, most of it heading to impoverished nations. Which also doesn’t sound so bad, right? Do you remember the old adage, give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime? The problem with flooding third world countries with cheap used clothing is the impact that it has on those local economies, and even their cultures. In her book Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion Elizabeth Cline examines the cultures of the areas where these used clothes end up and discusses the shifts in the economics and cultures there. The more affluent some of those areas become the less interested they are in our cast offs, meaning our solution to this problem is rapidly coming to a close, and the poorer some of those areas become, the bigger the problem our used clothes become for them to get out from underneath poverty. I can’t justify being part of this cycle.

17Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow. - Isaiah 1:17

But are either of these better or worse than simply throwing away my used clothes, putting them in a landfill? I believe that this planet is the Lord’s, and that He has given us dominion over it, to steward it, not to destroy it. I believe that He cares deeply for this world He lovingly created and that how we treat it is a matter of honoring Him. I am not in the habit of destroying gifts that God puts in my care.

1The earth is the LORD’S, and all it contains - Psalm 24:1a

I know this has been long, and here is the end, I promise. After all this thought, and all this research, I approached my husband and shared my heart with him, and we made a commitment that for the next full year we would not buy anything new, that we would live in such a way that honored the gift of this planet, and that did not contribute to injustices visited on oppressed people. This is long road and this is first step, small and shaky, and it’s deeply, deeply personal. I am not condemning anyone or prescribing a lifestyle for anyone. I am simply sharing where my heart is, a commitment we’ve made, and the things that spurred us to that commitment.

(Image Source; image credit: Sarah Lazarovic)

For more information on the book Overdressed click here.

To find out more about the companies you support click here.

If you’ve made it this far let me know in the comments and  I will personally send you a little surprise as a thank you for reading my uberpost.

The Problem With Your Problem With Christian Cleavage

{written 1.24.15 at 1:30am}

Oh. Man. It's past midnight, it's gonna be a long weekend, and I should be asleep. But there's a trending topic on twitter that is haunting me, just absolutely haunting me. 

#christiancleavage

A (male) Christian author and pastor wrote a blog post yesterday entitled "The Problem With Christian Cleavage". It said the same things we've all heard, keep things covered, I could get hot and bothered just looking at your knees so don't make it harder (no pun intended) (I don't think), men are visual creatures, women should avoid being a stumbling block to their very sensitive eyes. And it of course created the expected backlash. The post was title "The Problem With Christian Cleavage" and among other issues, directed it's entire argument at women and their need to cover up or be doomed to be a stumbling block, it blamed any and all skin showing on a lack of self-esteem and credits the pastor himself as "a man who greatly yearns for women to find their identity in Christ". Which is all well and good but sets up an et nature me vs. you paradigm off the bat. 

 

I was 20 years old and a youth leader in my church and still maneuvering my way through who I was as a person and as a Christian. And one mom, we'll call her Mrs. Mean, on more than one occasion referred to me as a hooker. In fact the very first time I ever met her she walked up to me and took me by the hands and asked me if I knew how slutty my clothing was, if I knew I was stumbling block to her 13 year old son. "Iron sharpens iron," she said, "and you should have either worn a different shirt or stayed home." And then she did the most damaging thing she could do in that moment. She insisted on praying for me while gripping my hands so I couldn't walk away. She never even asked me my name. 

It felt like someone had set me on fire.

I will forever be thankful to the youth pastor I was serving under at the time who made it clear to her she was never to address her concerns to me again and only bring them to him. He took bullets for me that would probably have driven me out of the church. But I still caught the way she glared at me as she picked up her kids. 

Let me make one thing really clear here. As a 30 year old woman I look back at that girl and know that I was absolutely not doing anything wrong. My clothes weren't inappropriate, and if I was a stumbling block to her son it was probably because she had taught her son that any women's clothing that wasn't a turtle neck could be a stumbling block. Or because he was a teenage boy and I was, you know, female. But I didn't get that then. Can I tell you how I sobbed? Can I tell you how I tried to leave volunteering with the youth? Or how I threw out several pieces of perfectly modest (and cute!) clothes? Can I tell you how ashamed I was? How embarrassed? How I would freeze in panic whenever she came to pick up her kids? Her son, he's a young man now, married and has kids, happy, God-fearing, whatever damage I or anyone else did with our oh so dangerous lady-bits seems to have been short term. In other words he became a grown man and is fine. It took me ten years to even begin to find healing from the harm she inflicted on me. We recently saw each other at a wedding and I felt all those same feelings, I felt a physical, visceral reaction to her. I felt panicked and shamed and less than.

Let's forget the debate over whether men are visual or whether women need to cover up or men need to take responsibility. Let's talk, instead, about who's job it is to convict someone of how they dress, or anything else. Ready? Not yours ever. It is the Holy Spirit's job. And if you try to do his job you will always ALWAYS fail. You will ALWAYS do more harm than good. The Holy Spirit does not shame and demean, he is not in the business of making people feel small and unloved. Conviction is pinpoint accurate, shame is always a lie. Conviction is about love, it's rooted in love, and it cannot happen unless love is the foundation of the relationship. I know the Spirit loves me, so when I feel the push towards conviction, it might hurt, but I know it's root. When bloggers and pastors and people who KNOW ALL THE THINGS post words for the entire world to see and feel, when they aim with their eyes closed and hope a target, any target, gets hit, love is not even remotely part of the equation. 

I do believe that the Holy Spirit can use people, pastors, bloggers, authors, anyone really, to speak words that create conviction in someone. But when I've seen that done it almost always came with a heart full of love and compassion and very rarely with a me vs. you sound. I once heard it preached that the amount of time you spend in prayer for someone is directly proportionate to your right to speak into their life. This advice is not just for us one on one. This is perfect advice for anyone trying speak into the lives of anyone. It's for pastors, speakers, authors, bloggers, tweeters, facebookers and anything I forgot. Your right to speak into the lives of anyone is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend praying for those people, whether it's your church, your audience or your followers, or your neighbor, or friends. 

Dear Mamas of African American boys,

I can't fathom how you feel. I have never looked at my son and known that one day I would need to explain to him that even though he is sweet and kind and obedient he might one day be seen as a threat simply for existing. I've never worried  that his life would be reduced to a cautionary hashtag or Facebook post. I've never had to send my little boy out to play with the same kinds of warning one might give a young man going to war. I don't know how you feel. And my son will never know how your son feels. But I can teach my son how to be better than the the generations before him. I can teach him to listen to you and your son and I will. I promise to teach him to really hear your son's voice and perspective. I promise to teach him to honor your son, to treat him with dignity and kindness. I promise to raise him to be the kind of man who respects your sons, and everyone's sons and daughters for that matter. I promise to teach him the value of EVERY. HUMAN. LIFE. And I promise to lead this by example, to be this kind of person myself. And in the meantime my heart is with you. 

Hand Written Fridays pt. 3

The *actual* post for today, day 17, is another Hand Written Friday, a look into my prayer journal. The last two times I've done this I've shared a past prayer that has been answered, sometimes in different ways than I imagined, but answered. Today I want to share a different prayer with you. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm reaching out of my comfort zone here, so please be gracious with what you are about to read. 

In my first Hand Written Friday I shared about the different prayer journals I have and their different purposes. I have a confession to make. They are woefully out of balance. The ones for Gabe and my husband are filled with all the kinds of prayers you'd expect. But Lula's....Lula's is way more about me than it is about her. I try to pray the same kinds of blessings for her that I do for Gabe, and I succeed a lot of the time, praying that she would become a woman of God, of strength and humility, of a gentle spirit, of boldness, that she would seek after the Lord with an insatiable hunger and that she would have joy. I do pray these things for her, but after those things are said, the prayer always, ALWAYS turns into a plea for myself. I pray desperately that I would know how to parent her, to be the mother she needs, a mother that guides her through life and leads her to these other things I want for her, that I would be a mother that leads her to the Lord. 

You may be like "uh yeah I pray that too" and I get why my admission may not seem earth shattering to you. My reality is that I am worried about my ability to be a mother to a daughter. I don't know how to be a mother to a daughter, and to be perfectly honest with you, from what I remember of my teen years I'm not sure I want to be! Or at least I wasn't. In fact when I was pregnant with Gabe I prayed every day for a boy. And after Gabe I told Aaron we would only have boys. But there is a glimmer of answered prayer here, a prayer I didn't even know how to pray, it was just a guttural cry in my heart. When I found out I was pregnant last year I knew in my heart it was a girl. From the moment the line turned pink I knew. And I panicked. It was a deep despairing panic that I would fail this precious girl, that I would not know what she needed or how to give it to her. I didn't have words for the fear coiled in my heart. But I cried out to God, knowing that with one miscarriage and one high risk pregnancy in my past I couldn't physically afford this kind of anxiety. From the moment I begged the Lord to do something I was at peace, and I had a perfect, healthy pregnancy, from start to finish. 

Although I still feel that peace, on this side of her being born there is still worry.  Now that this beautiful girl is here I still have this burning desire to do right by her, to be what she needs, and a concern that I will fail. But this worry is different than the fear. Now it's a healthy concern that lends itself to prayer, not a cloying panic and brings me to tears. And the prayer that I be the mother she needs is a fervent and passionate one. 

I have faith that God will answer but I know I have a long time to wait to fully see His answer. 

But oh man, do I plan to be persistent with this one. 

The Prayer Life of Jesus

I'm such a slacker! But I'm catching up! Would you believe me if I said I've been too busy praying to write about it?? No? 

This is a catch up post for day 14 and it is about Jesus, and what we can learn about prayer from him. 

Jesus prayed a lot in the gospels. It's interesting to think about, since he was God and all. I've heard it asked "so was he just talking to himself?" The theological reasons behind why Jesus spent time in prayer aren't really my point here, but one very important practical reason is definitely the place to start this post. Jesus prayed to lead by example. He prayed so that his disciples and followers would see him praying, see the importance of praying, and follow his lead.

One of my favorite examples of Jesus prayer is in John, during the time Jesus spent with his disciples washing their feet and eating with them. They had sat down for a meal, Jesus had washed their feet and was doing what I think a lot of us would do if we knew we were going to be gone soon, he spoke to them, shared his heart with them, gave them wisdom and encouragement, and he prayed over them. The entirety of chapter 17 is a prayer Christ prays over the disciples. It is a powerful intercessory prayer, a prayer of blessing, and one that tells us so much about how to pray for others. 

To break it down Jesus prays: 

1 - that the Lord will be glorified through him and through his disciples (vs 1-10)

2 - that they would have joy in him (vs 13)

3 - a petition to the Lord for the disciples protection after he is gone, not protection from the world but protection from "the evil one" (vs 15)

4 - for their sanctification (vs 17)

5 - that the love of God that is in him would be in them (vs 26)

If you haven't ever read it go check it out. I know in church we talk a lot about the Lord's Prayer as an example of prayer, and I do love that! But man, imagine if we prayed for one another hitting all these same points? What if I prayed for you, every day, that you would live in a way that glorified the Lord, that you would know and live in the joy of the Lord, that you're heart would be protected from any attempts made on it by the enemy, that you would be sanctified and holy, and that the love of God would be in you and exude from you for His glory. 

Guys that is a powerful prayer. I challenge you to choose a person and pray that prayer over them every single day for a week. See what it does in their life, see what it does in your life! Since starting this series I've had so many people (I honestly didn't realize so many of you were reading) ask how to start when it comes to praying, "what do I do?" I keep being asked. Start here. Start with this prayer that Christ prayed over his disciples. This prayer that is worded in love and authority, the same authority that we have been given, start here. Pick a person to pray it over, commit to doing it every day, and start here. 

Before I end this post I want to share with you my favorite part of this chapter. It's pretty big, are you ready?

In verse 20-23 Jesus brings you and I into this prayer, this blessing. He says "I ask not only on behalf of these [the disciples], but also on behalf of those who will believe in me through their word [thats us!], that they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they [the disciples and all who come after them as believers] also be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me..." (20,21)

It blows my mind to know that Christ prayed for me. To know that he prayed for an indwelling of his presence and power in my life so that my life would point to God the way his did. That he included me in his prayer for protection and holiness and joy. Jesus prayed that you would experience the joy of God that he himself had!! If that doesn't blow your mind, man nothing will. 

My Darlin' Clementine

This post is a break from my prayer posts. This post is In honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, today. This post is my story. It's long and it was hard to write so I imagine it will be hard to read for some. But there's a point, so read it if you can. 

Back when these things were of relevance I learned that I'm terrible at taking my pill. I was only about two weeks in when I realized I was pregnant for a second time. After I told Aaron we freaked out for a good 2 days. Then we took some deep breaths, thanked God we hadn't thrown away the infant car seat, and started making plans. Hubs had been referring to this pregnancy as a "she" from the go, I called her Clementine and teased him that's what I would name her. We talked about moving, made plans to visit his family before the new baby was born (cross country travel with two kids under 2, no thanks), and we bought our son a "big brother" tshirt. At 6 weeks, after a visit to the park with my son, I started to feel sick, then there was indescribable pain, and after two hours of telling my husband that we would go to the doctor in a little while, my shoulder started to hurt. 

I remember getting to the emergency room and sitting in triage while they waited for a nurse to take me back. I remember the room getting dark and falling off the chair, I remember stumbling into the hall to ask for help and no sound coming out. I remember really truly wondering if I was going to die. 

I remember the ER nurse asking me questions questions questions and I just wanted her to stop. I knew what was coming and just wanted to be done with it, so I told her about the shoulder pain. She stopped writing mid sentence, and with a very deliberate calm clicked her pen, put it in her pocket and said in the most even of tones "Okay, let me just go confer with the on call doctor" and made calm, deliberate steps towards the door. I wanted to tell her it was okay, she didn't need to protect me, I already knew. I remember my husband being stunned, asking me why she just stopped and left like that, why she ran once she closed the door. I told him what most pregnant women know, shoulder pain isn't a good sign. 

The pre-op nurses were the very definition of angels. They held my hand past the point where my husband was allowed to be, they whispered comforting things, dabbed at my eyes with tissues once the gas started to take effect and I couldn't move. And after they were so quiet, they let me cry and recover in peace. They admitted me for the night and they took me to my room, I heard the ER nurse cry as she gave report to the floor nurse when they thought I was asleep. 

I don't remember much about how I felt the days after. I think it's like remembering any kind of big pain, you can't remember exactly how it felt, only that it hurt. What I did remember is how many people wanted me to process it in a certain way. For some people I wasn't sad enough, after all this was a child we lost. For some people I was too sad, after all I was only six weeks pregnant, most women don't even know by then. For some people I didn't talk about it enough, or only talked about the clinical elements or didn't share enough of the hospitals role or had too much guilt or not enough guilt. Some people didn't want to be confronted with this reality, to have to see my pain, and some people were far too inquisitive.

Runner up in the worst responses came from someone who told me it was tacky to have posted what was happening on Facebook the following day. They didn't give me the chance to tell them how quick I'd been to share the pregnancy news, how many people already knew we were expecting because something like this was just unfathomable. They didn't give me the chance to explain that a one sentence Facebook post seemed less painful than having to tell all those people through individual conversations. Even that post didn't all the way work and for months after someone who knew and hadn't heard would ask how the baby was, every time it was like stepping on a land mine while out for a stroll. This person didn't give me the chance to explain any of it, just patted my arm, said they were sorry for my loss and said "although I do think it was awkward to post it on Facebook." 

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, which is the reason I shared my story, the long version, replete with details. Not to make anyone uncomfortable or to seek sympathy or pity, but to say one simple thing: let the mama mourn, and let it happen on her terms. I've talked to many other women since that day, women who have found themselves somewhere on this spectrum of loss and one theme runs through the experiences, very few were given the space to grieve in their own way, on their own timeline. 

I understand that it's hard to know what to say, especially at the loss of a child, and because of that we can so often feel awkward in the presence of grief. Something in our human nature is uncomfortable with other peoples loss, not knowing what to say, being reminded how fragile life is, we often stick to a script that at it's core is designed to make us feel better, not them. We try to control instead of comfort. But grief is a deeply personal thing, and how long it takes or how it manifests is not uniform, and for each of is to experience it in a healthy way, it can't be. What's a healthy grieving process for you will be incomplete for me, and vice versa. There's an old thought that when you speak you should think first how you would feel if someone said it to you, but I would argue that with grief this isn't a good way to evaluate what you say. I would argue that when it comes to someone else's grief it is always better to ask what they need to hear. I had a few friends, a few very sweet, wonderful friends, who employed this tactic. I can still remember my sweet girlfriend saying "I want to help but I want to help how you need help, so if you want to talk let's talk, but if you want to sit quietly I can do that too." And my best friend who showed up with my favorite candy, a new nail polish and watched frivolous tv with me, and silently handed me tissues as I cried next to her, thankful for the distraction, not ready for words yet. 

These people honored not only my loss, but they honored my grieving process. So today, on this day meant to bring awareness that is what I ask you to take away. Honor the grieving process, let the mama grieve, be comfortable with how it looks and how long it takes, even if it would be totally different for you. The person who told me it was awkward that I'd posted on Facebook wasn't thinking about me, she was thinking about herself, about how awkward she felt seeing that blast of information. She wasn't thinking about me saving myself from having to have painful conversations with everyone I know. And I hope that someday she learns this lesson, and I hope that everyone else does too, before they become someone else's "they made it worse" story. 

For anyone who has walked this road know that my heart is with you today, and I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. 

Be Brave! (late day 13)

Haha oh man. Today is a new one, for sure. Today is going to be a three post day!! Haha. Aren't you psyched? Hey man, sometimes life happens. Let's dig in! 

The first post today is actually one I'm really excited about because it's a lesson I'm still learning and it's one that is hard for so many of us. Today I want to talk a little bit about asking for prayer. 

I'm part of a mom's Bible study group, and currently we're working our way through Esther. There are lots of valuable lessons in Esther but I honestly think my favorite one is found in a single verse:

“Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” (Esther 4:16 NIV)

What's interesting about the book of Esther is that God isn't mentioned anywhere in the book. Biblical scholars have different interpretations for why this is, but the important thing to remember for our purposes is that whether the Israelites were still actively worshipping God or not, they were still following their customs. And according to Jewish custom fasting was synonymous with prayer. This means that when Esther asked for Mordecai to have all the Jews in their city fast for her she was asking for her entire faith community to pray for her.

It's hard to be open and transparent about what we need when it comes to prayer. So often when have a need it exposes us in ways we'd rather not be exposed. Asking for prayers over our marriage, as parents, over our finances or our job situation, these things can make us feel like we are revealing failure and weakness and so rather than risk the judgement of others, we just don't ask. 

We are so consumed by fear of being seen as we truly are that we miss out on this huge resource. God intended us for community, and this is no small part of why. Not sharing your needs with anyone, not asking for prayer leaves you vulnerable to attack in those areas and it comes down to a question of what you value more: the prayer covering of your family and friends and faith community, or the image of yourself and your life that you want people to have. 

I love that Esther just went for it, to me this is her first act of braveness, to call on her faith community to pray for her as she entered into a difficult time. Be that brave today, reach out to someone and ask for prayer for something you've been too scared to be vulnerable with. Ask them to pray for you right then, in that moment. 

Be brave, friends, and gain the benefit of knowing you're being lifted up in prayer. 

What I've Learned

Woohoo! Post number two today! You're excited, right? Better late than never!

First of all, can I just reiterate how thankful I am for my grandma's guest post? It was awesome. 

We're almost half way through this 32 days and I wanted to share with you one of the ways that this series has impacted and changed me. 

Today a member of my family was in the hospital. I was with several other members of my family when we heard and my very first thought was let's pray for her. I didn't say anything because I figured we were all probably saying silent prayers for her and I felt awkward telling my fam "hey you, stop what you're doing and pray now". I didn't want to come across holier than thou or like I was being presumptuous or pushy, so I stifled it. But it gnawed at me. The Lord kept saying "Didn't you write a whole post about obedient prayer?" 

Yeesh. 

So I followed my own advice, got brave, and asked if we could pray. The three of us stood in a circle and held hands and prayed for health and peace and strength. 

Guys. I had no idea how accountable this whole thing was making me. Since starting this 31 days I have become acutely aware of the opportunities for prayer. I don't know if I'm just more awesome now, or if the Lord is speaking louder but I suspect it's because I'm paying closer attention. I suspect it's because I made a decision to be obedient when I felt that push. And the more obedient I am, the more often I feel the nudge. I'm not going to lie, it can be uncomfortable and it can make me feel awkward, but it's also kind of awesome. 

Thank you for walking this road with me, please know that I'm not trying to be an expert, I don't know everything or even a lot of things. This has not been a teaching exercise for me at all, it has been a learning experience! 

Side note: it was silly of me to think asking my family to pray was going to be received badly by any of them. It reminded me that Satan doesn't want us to pray and will give us reasons not to and shame on me for buying into it. 

Side note two: my hospital bound family member was issued an all clear and sent home. Yay!

Are We There Yet

I'm such a slacker! This is actually yesterday's blog but yesterday I got to spend the day with lots of family celebrating the impending arrival of the newest addition to our clan!! The day got away from me while I enjoyed family and friends and oohed and ahhed at sweet little baby clothes. So today you get two! And I'm so psyched because this first is by a guest blogger!!! My incredible grandma agreed to write a post for me and I'm so excited to share her wisdom and insight with you all! 

                      Isn't she cute??

ARE WE THERE YET??

Psalms 107:28-30 "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.  He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.  Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he BROUGHT THEM TO THEIR DESIRED HAVEN."

 

Are we there yet are words that resonate with any parent who has traveled with a child. First stop light, “are we there yet?”  Bathroom break, “are we there yet?”  Car slows down for a chicken crossing the road, “are we there yet?” The parent is bombarded with, “how much longer?” “Is it far?” “I’m tired, I don’t like this trip.” The frustration and impatience level is intense for all concerned as the car rolls on mile after mile, even the parent is thinking and feeling, “are we ever going to get there?”

 

I have felt this kind of frustration at times with prayer.  Are we EVER going to get there?  Is God EVER going to answer, does he EVEN hear me when I pray.  Nothing changes. Circumstances are the same, possibly worse!  God, where are you, can’t you hurry this up.  We all love when our prayers are answered quickly and concisely.  Our faith mounts up with wings like an eagle, our hearts skip and dance like sunbeams on water.  We stand in awe at the mystery of it all.  But what about those times when we pray and seemingly get no results. Do we experience doubt?   Do we get discouraged?  Do we want to quit? I can’t answer for you, but I can tell you that I have gone through enormous doubt, discouragement and yes, wanted to quit.  I have questioned God and his promises.  I have questioned my faith.  I have questioned my own worthiness in expectation of answered prayer.  I’m sorry if this disappoints or causes jaws to drop.  It has been proven to me that God has never been nervous about my honesty; in fact, in those times he has ALWAYS restored my faith.  Oh yes, in my desperation, where was there to go but to God!  Pouring out my fear and hurt, asking the age old question of why, verbalizing my emotion, doubt and at times utter disgust.  The arms of a loving and merciful God have cradled me and shushed me like a gentle breeze….be still and know that I am God.

 

At age 45 our only son was diagnosed with stage 3c colon cancer.  We immediately prayed and prayed some more.  We were heart sick as we watched him go through surgery, we prayed.  We were devastated at the cruelty of chemo for 9 months, we prayed.  A year later he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer.  We prayed and prayed and prayed.  People everywhere were praying. We watched his handsome strong body become weaker, thinner and sicker.   Are we there yet?  When does this prayer thing kick in: how much longer?  I wish I could tell you that suddenly he was healed and we all went out and ate ice cream.  NOT!  Three and half years we prayed.  I went to bed many nights, laid my head down and with tears streaming said, God thank you.  We are all in our beds tonight.  Our son is still with us and able to be with his wife and sons.  Thank you for one more day, one more night.   Some would call it resignation of the situation but for me it was and is all about trust.   It all came down to, God I trust you even though I don’t understand, I TRUST you.  

 

Our son will soon be 2 years cancer free.  I still have fears and doubts and questions.  I still pray and most days believe.  Life is a journey with a measure of bumps in the road.  Sometimes the potholes seem as deep and vast as standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon.   Life without prayer is like trying to take a trip without gas.  Prayer gets us where we need to be, not always where we want to be.  

 

Prayer has and always will be a major part of my life.  I don’t always do it well and I fail at times to pray as I ought.  But I WILL pray.  I will give thanks for prayers answered quickly and I will stand firm when they are not and wait.  I will diligently pray the truth of the Word of God, through the power of the Holy Spirit and by faith in the Name of Jesus.  

 

Are we there yet?  No, but getting closer, I can see the LIGHT.

Psalm 107:28-30 ………..and he brought them to their desired Haven.

 

Hand Written Fridays pt. 2

HOLLA! Today is Friday! Which means a look into my prayer journal! I know, you're dying for your Friday peek. 

When my husband and I got married we lived ten minutes from our church, a church we had both been at for years, and we lived 20 minutes from several college friends we were close with. We were surrounded in community. Three months after our first baby was born my hubs took a job at a church about an hour away from all of that. 

Losing our community was a big blow for us, we are relational people. We're still close with so many of the people from our old stomping ground but just by virtue of the distance it's different now. I spent months feeling isolated and lonely, and especially as a new mom it was scary. 

I'm not sure there's ever been anything I've prayed for as hard as I prayed for a new faith community. Guys. Looking back through these prayers, reading my own desperation and heartbreak, I was again completely brought to tears at God's faithfulness. Today I see the women and men who have surrounded my family, our extensive and irreplaceable faith community, and I can't believe I ever didn't have them, or doubted that they were out there. 

The best part about this prayer and how it was answered is that it taught me so much about community, but also about prayer. So often we approach prayer like a genie lamp or a magic spell, let me say the right words in the right way and I'll get what I need. I'm guilty of it, I think we all are, I certainly was regarding this. But slowly the Lord spoke to my heart and gently explained that sometimes when we need something, even when it's something the Lord desperately wants for us, He doesn't just give it to us. I didn't walk into a faith community, and the Lord didn't just give it to me, instead He gave me boldness, and a sense of urgency an a heart for other people in need of community. It was through those things He answered my prayer. I worked hard for my faith community, I built it brick by brick, I refused to back down when I was discouraged or scared, not because I'm awesome, but because God is awesome. The strength to step outside my comfort zone, the boldness to go from being strangers to friends, these were not my characteristics, this was how the Lord answered my prayer for community. 

I'm so SO thankful not just that my prayer was answered, but for how it was answered. What have you learned from how your prayers been answered?

Day Nine

Today I passed a church marquee that said "a prayerless Christian is a powerless Christian". 

If your prayer life is barely or non existent do you still have access to the authority and power of Christ? 

We live in a world hungry for the presence and healing power of Christ. If your prayer life is dead or dying how will you convey these things to the world? 

That's all I got for today. Mostly because it's pretty heavy. At least it was when I drove past that church sign. I don't know about you, but I want to be filled with the power of the Lord. 

The Hard Part

A couple days ago I touched on the fact that keeping you from prayer is a high priority of the enemy. Sometimes, like the other day, that looks like attacks, but a lot of times it just looks like every day blockades, valid reasons, or excuses. We all have things that make our Christian walk hard, we all have things that make having an active, healthy prayer life hard.

I could talk about why it's hard to find time, how I'm not a morning person and so getting up early to pray is a physical difficultly. Or how I have two little ones who are still in the throes of the WE-NEED-YOU-EVERY-MINUTE stage (I'm told this ends). Or how I go to bed so exhausted I actually can't remember what day it is. I could say "I don't know when in there I'm supposed to find the time to pray!!!" 

A lot of that is valid, some of it is excuses, but none of it is my issue. For me it's a blockade, a character issue. 

Prayer is hard for me because I am a control freak.

I feel like "control freak" is a super aggressive way to say it, I prefer to say that I'm a planner. And I should point out that this extends only to me. To pray about myself and my stuff is to place all my baggage in God's hands and trust Him to deal with it. On whatever His timeline is. Even if it's slow. Like, really slow. 

But it goes beyond just wanting to control the timeline, I need to plan every last part. If I know how the issue is being handled I can make adjustments to my life and my plans. I like to have a buffer of space during problem solving, that way bumps in the road aren't an inconvenience because I've planned for them. Guys I am getting on a plane to fly to Minneapolis on Friday. I've been making lists, prepacking and packing since October 1st. I make ten copies when I need six. I leave 45 minutes early when I'm going somewhere I've never been, even though I only need 25 minutes to get there. I need to know the plan so I can know how to plan for the plan. And yes, typing that did make the term "control freak" seem more applicable....

Because I'm scared to hand over the planning process I often just don't pray for my own things. I pray for my kids and I pray for my friends and my husband and my family and then I say "Amen" and open my eyes and go on my way. But ignoring the issue does nothing to remedy it. And worse, not lifting things up in prayer just because I have a struggle in doing it is downright disobedient. Not just because the Bible instructs us to pray but because to pull back on a spiritual discipline is to refuse to grow. In Hebrews is says to "press on to maturity" (6:1), and not to stay at the beginning level of faith that we enter into. This is a call to growth. 

There's always going to be something. There's always going to be a blockade or valid reason or an excuse. And working through those things is going to be hard, and usually a little painful. Because growth always creates growing pains. If you can't feel yourself being stretched, if you're not outside your comfort zone, if you're not addressing what's hard, you need to ask yourself "am I growing?".

I'm working on my blockade. It's hard and I'm not going to lie, it feels like a long process...like...really long. But I want a healthy, vibrant prayer life, so I will continue to step outside my comfort zone and work on the hard parts. 

S.T.O.P.

S.T.O.P. 

When I was in high school I was a volunteer for a program that went into schools and youth groups in the area and talked about sex. More specifically we talked about abstinence. It was a lot more fun than it sounds. In one segment of our presentation we went through the acronym S.T.O.P., each letter standing for something that would help you make good choices. As I was thinking about today's post I knew I wanted to write about some practical application steps and I remembered this old acronym and realized how easily it applied here with only one minor adjustment! So prepare for some acronym fun!! 

S - Set Goals 

Having goals gives you focus and gives you a way to assess where you're at and what steps are working and not working. Decide what you want for your prayer life and write it down, tuck it in your Bible, tape it to your cupboard, put it somewhere visible. Being reminded of your goals helps you stay motivated. BUT if your goals aren't attainable you'll be easily pulled off course and you'll be discouraged when you fall short. Be honest in where you're at and keep your goals realistic. 

T - Tell Someone 

Accountability is key! And choosing someone to keep you accountable is important. You're not looking for someone to shame you or hound you into meeting your goals, but you also don't want to pick someone who isn't going to push you. Pick someone or (multiple someones) who you know is spiritually mature and understands the importance of the goals you've set and their end result. If you can't think of anyone to be your accountability person email me, I'll do it! And you can do it for me. abrostad@gmail.com

O - Obtain An Emblem

I know I said this already but I'm saying it again: being reminded of your goals helps you stay motivated. The entire purpose of an emblem is to stop you in your tracks and push you into action. It can be anything. Write someone's name on a Post-It and put it in your wallet so every time you open it you pray for them. Wear a bracelet in someone's favorite color so every time you glimpse it you lift them up. Set a reminder with an alarm in your phone so that a prayer request literally interrupts you during the day. Pick something, anything, that will remind you to pray and then pray RIGHT IN THAT MOMENT. 

P - Plan Your Time

There's an old proverb that goes "a goal without a plan is just a wish". Most of the the struggle to maintain an active healthy prayer life has to do with our time. But the reality is that this is like any other area in our lives, the amount of growth we see is a direct result of the amount of time we invest. Planning out our time gives us the chance to build our schedules around our priorities, and for our prayer lives to be healthy and vibrant they HAVE to be a priority. 

And there you have it. S.T.O.P. 

At some point were going to "unpack" each of these in a more detailed way, but for now just jump in to these steps. They are small and simple and completely attainable for anyone, no matter where you're starting from. 

And listen. I don't know how many people are reading this, but if you're out there reading this post a comment or an Instagram picture or a status or a tweet or something and show off your goals or your emblem! Tag it #31daysSTOP. I'd love to see what you're doing! 

Let's Call Day 6 A Wash

I have this whole list of topics to pick from for this 31 days. They're even in an order of sorts! Yay for my organizational skills! I went into this organized. I have plans, research, guest bloggers, and most importantly excitement for this month!! 

But then today, ooooh today. Today was filled with struggles. Nothing big, nothing monumental, nothing life changing or earth shattering, just every day struggles, the kind that usually only come one at a time and instead came all at the same time, all day long. Misbehaving kids, planning for an out of town weekend, trying to pack and feeling bad about myself, and bickering with my spouse. And hours passed and I didn't write. My patience and grace ran thin and eventually I thought to myself "I cannot possibly write a blog about prayer right now, I'm in no position to be telling anyone anything about spiritual matters." 

The house is (semi) quiet now, and the kids are asleep (or at least the baby is, the boy is laying in bed plotting his next excuse to get out of bed), and I am in my bed. I sat down to write and to pray. And as I tried to pick a topic from my very impressive list I struggled. I felt like a fraud. And I thought "I just won't post anything today, no one will notice, I have nothing to say anyway, today just feels like one attack after another and I give in, I'm beat." 

And then I realized, even if I have nothing good to say I still have one undeniable truth to share: Satan doesn't want us to pray. 

Those moments that feel too hurried or clouded or shameful to pray in, those moments that make prayer feel like the last thing on the to-do list, those moments you want to just skip, those are an intentional attack. Yesterday I let Oswald Chambers do the speaking for me and we learned that prayer is the way to strengthen God's life in us. Why, oh why wouldn't Satan try to stop that? 

So today I have nothing to say except that, to remind myself (and you) that my prayer life (and yours) has a target on it, and to encourage all of us to be better guardians, and not fall for the tricks to keep us from those intimate moments with the Lord. 

Till tomorrow. 

Oh! P.S.! Some time soon I will be having a guest blogger!! I have convinced my very wise, very incredible grandma to write something for my 31 Days of Prayer. She just emailed it to me and it's great! Keep your eye out for that because I promise you will be blessed by it!

The Purpose of Prayer

I've written several drafts of today's post, which is supposed to be about the purpose of prayer. Because these posts on prayer are born out of a writing challenge I felt like a cheater to NOT write what I wanted to say about this topic But the truth is I didn't author what I want to say, Oswald Chambers did. In his book My Utmost For His Highest he actually has an entry titled "The Purpose of Prayer" (August 28th) and it so perfectly encapsulates my thoughts. He says in a single sentence all the things I tried to say in three deleted posts: "Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished." 

We pray to sustain our spiritual lives, to sustain the very life of God in us. Charles Spurgeon said "Prayer is as sure evidence of the presence of God as the rising of the thermometer is evidence of an increase in temperature...the obvious signs of [God's] absence will be lethargy in prayer."

There is no better, simpler, more profound way to explain the purpose of prayer.

[the following is excerpted from My Utmost For His Highest, August 28th]

The Purpose of Prayer

. . . one of His disciples said to Him, ’Lord, teach us to pray . . .’ —Luke 11:1

Prayer is not a normal part of the life of the natural man. We hear it said that a person’s life will suffer if he doesn’t pray, but I question that. What will suffer is the life of the Son of God in him, which is nourished not by food, but by prayer. When a person is born again from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve or nourish that life. Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished. Our common ideas regarding prayer are not found in the New Testament. We look upon prayer simply as a means of getting things for ourselves, but the biblical purpose of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself.

“Ask, and you will receive . . .” (John 16:24). We complain before God, and sometimes we are apologetic or indifferent to Him, but we actually ask Him for very few things. Yet a child exhibits a magnificent boldness to ask! Our Lord said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3). Ask and God will do. Give Jesus Christ the opportunity and the room to work. The problem is that no one will ever do this until he is at his wits’ end. When a person is at his wits’ end, it no longer seems to be a cowardly thing to pray; in fact, it is the only way he can get in touch with the truth and the reality of God Himself. Be yourself before God and present Him with your problems— the very things that have brought you to your wits’ end. But as long as you think you are self-sufficient, you do not need to ask God for anything.

To say that “prayer changes things” is not as close to the truth as saying, “Prayer changes me and then I change things.” God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature.

Obedient Prayer

Today, day four, was scheduled to be a blog about the purpose of prayer. I wanted to talk about God's plan and desires for prayer. 

But that's going to have to wait. 

Instead today I just want to say something quick, but really important: let's be obedient with our prayers.

I can count on one hand the amount of times that, as I've detailed a hard time or an illness, someone followed it with a prayer right in that moment. And I don't even need one hand to count the amount of times I've done this for someone else. Plenty of times we say "I will be praying for you", and I'm not doubting that we do pray for one another, but even though they are few and far between I can still remember the impact it made on me when someone took that very moment to lift me or my family up in prayer. It communicated God's love and conveyed His presence to me in a way that them praying for me on their own time, though appreciated, just doesn't. 

This is an issue of obedience and not just prayer. We are called to minister to one another, to share our lives and to pray for each other. It can be awkward and difficult in the beginning, it can feel scary and out of our comfort zone, but nothing conveys the love and the presence of our God more than inviting Him into a moment and praying His blessings over someone in the moment. 

My baby girl is about to turn one year old. She was born by scheduled c-section so we knew when we were going to be heading into the hospital. The night before two very wonderful friends of ours showed up at our house and asked to pray over me and the baby. They weren't there for any other reason. I can still remember how it felt to stand with them and listen as they prayed blessings and health over baby and me, I can still remember how clearly this act conveyed the heart of Christ to me and husband. And I still think about how impactful that moment was for me, the peace I went to bed with, the peace I woke up with, the peace that stayed with me all day. All because two people were obedient with their prayers. Last night After our home group I was sitting and talking with that same friend and I felt the conviction of that moment almost a year ago, and, led by her example, asked to pray over her and some things happening in her life. I have no idea how impactful that prayer was for her, but I know that stepping out of my comfort zone and being obedient to the Holy Spirit made it hugely impactful for me. 

Let's be that kind of Christian, let's be obedient to the Spirit, ministering to one another, let's be obedient with our prayers.