blaaarg

I'm feeling like an utter and complete failure. I have neglected more days than I've done by far AND I've stopped trying. I need to get on with this. I have 43 days till I get married. I would like to be done with my goal 3 days before I get married. For the love. Check up on me. Someone. Ask me how I'm doing. EVERYFRICKINDAY.

In other news tomorrow is my bridal shower. There will be people I love dearly missing and there will be people there I couldn't care less about. It's actually been really stressful. There is a person in my life who seems to be making every aspect of the wedding which I've allowed her to be a part of incredibly difficult. I swear to God it's on purpose. It's very irritating. And hurtful.

I need sleep and to unpack. I am feeling oddly discouraged right now and I don't know why. I feel like there is more to do than time in which to do it and I am feeling very overwhelmed. We have hit that moment where we have gained so much momentum that we are barreling forward, and it's not that I want to stop it or even slow it down (there are days when I wish we could just elope now so we could be married already!), it's just that I am slowly realizing things like I will never do this again and it's all gone by so fast. And on October 25th there will be over 200 people staring at me in what might be the most intensely emotional moment of my life. I hate that. I love to be the center of attention, but when it comes to emotional moments I hate people there with me. I watch sappy movies alone and I try to be alone with good news for at least a day. I do not do well with people staring at me. I can't wait to marry Aaron. But I really hope the whole audience doesn't think I'm a creeper when, halfway down the aisle, I ask them to please turn around.....