I read the book, it was more a curiosity than anything. And I just watched the movie because, well frankly I’m a sucker for beautiful looking food and lovely scenery. I like things that are pleasing to the senses and a movie shot in Rome, India, and Bali fits that bill. When I first read the book my reaction to it was the same as my reaction yesterday when watching the movie and the truth is, I think I decided to finally watch it now slash talk about it now is because unlike last summer when it was all over the place, the concept , the idea, what the story represents has become very pervasive in my life through the lives of several people close to me. who have all said, in one way or another, that they are having their “Eat, Pray, Love moment”.
That book is one of the biggest lies being fed women today. In so, so many ways.
The most blatantly dishonest thing about the book is that it is portrayed like it’s the product of a journey of self-revelation, and it’s not. It was the INTENTION of a journey of self-revelation. You may not see a difference here, but there is, big time. Elizabeth Gilbert didn’t set out to find herself, discover truths and wisdom and peace along the way and wake up at the end and say “I need to share this with the world, other women need to know what I’ve found!” Elizabeth Gilbert went to her publisher and said “I write travel pieces, I’ve written a book, what if we combine that? I will go lick my wounds abroad and make sure it’s a good read. It’ll be marketable.” (okay so I am making her sound a little more harsh than she probably said it) I am not insinuating the the author wasn’t hurting or in need of time away. I’m simply saying that she wasn’t working for enlightenment alone, she was justifying the advance she received from the publisher knowing full well if she went home the same broken unhappy woman she’d have to pay back that money and lose out on the money she would get from book sales. That’s irritating.
But that’s just technical deception, which at the end of the day isn’t too harmful, just helpful to know and understand contextually when reading the book. The tissues I hold with the book, to be honest, boil down to the same problem: life is hard, life stays hard, and being happy takes work. Not all the time, or even most of the time, but finding peace, loving yourself, and following God is a life long journey. Not something you discover over 10 months and then live happily ever after. Life is a series of happy moments, struggles, victories, failures, tragedies, affirmations and soul crushing days. Every time I go to the doctor and watch as they measure the babies heart rate, the rate at which the blood travels through the cord, his movements, and all that, I watch the peaks and valleys of the read and I think to myself and my son “This is what it’s like, you know, this is what being alive is like, highs and lows, peaks and valleys, get ready for it, look at this graph, this is how it’s going to be. The best I can promise you is that we will celebrate with you at the peaks, and help you learn to cope with the valleys.” And I wish that Elizabeth Gilbert had gotten that lesson.
Divorce is a complicated issue. What I can say is that there is nothing in this life that quitting makes better. There are people in my life who are going through divorce, who are having their “Eat, Pray, Love moment”, and as lovingly as I can, I want to state that divorce requires nothing of you other than that you give up. I hate giving up. Hate it. It requires no work, no real self evaluation, no attempt at bettering yourself. A lot of people would say that that is what Elizabeth Gilbert did after her divorce, but lets get serious, how hard would it be to find happiness living in an adorable apartment in Italy with literally nothing to do other than eat delicious food and hang out with people who are an entire world away from who you are in your day to day life? Who couldn’t find peace if they spent their whole day praying and seeking it out? And who couldn’t find love if you lived in an exotic jungle house, just a bike ride away from blue oceans and white sand beaches and were tall, blonde, and beautiful? How much courage does it take to run away, build an entirely new existence, one that has nothing to do with your actual life, and just start over. Isn’t the more courageous thing to do to face yourself where you’re at, take responsibility for your part in the demise of whatever you’re mourning (your marriage, your job, your happiness, whatever), and find out what happiness and peace and God look like in the context of your actual life?
The truth is there are some interesting things said in the book, the ideas presented aren’t necessarily bad. The idea of finding yourself, learning how to be open to love, learning to enjoy your life, demanding the Lord meet you in your prayers, these are good ways to live your life. My problem with the book is that Elizabeth Gilbert did not live her life this way. She vacationed this way. Whenever we went to camp as kids and teenagers, speakers would tell us over and over to not have just another “camp experience” meaning that we needed to take home what we learned there, to follow through on the way you want to live once you’re back in real life. It’s not just at camp, it’s any time you’re in an intensely focused environment. They say “take this back and apply it to your real life” because the leaders and teachers know that learning how to do something outside your every day environment means translating it back to your every day environment is difficult. And my biggest problem with the book/concept/movie is that there is no encouragement for women who can’t finance an across the world year long jaunt, who can’t do anything other than look at where they are and say “I have to make it better here and now”. There is no accountability saying “when you get back from Italy the same every day struggles and every day downers will still exist and you still have no coping mechanisms for how to handle it other than to run away.”
Let me state very clearly that I am not trying to be judgmental about divorce. Just for the record. When I say that divorce requires nothing of someone other than to give up, I am talking very broadly. Meaning that if you are someone who has or is getting divorced don’t feel that I’m saying you’re a quitter. I’m saying that if you are someone who has or is getting divorced, then mow over your life and rebuild with people or in a place who are not keeping you accountable to issues that brought you to that point, THEN you are a quitter. I know that divorce is complicated and there can be a lot of reasons for it and that it’s painful for all involved and not something anyone takes lightly. And it’s not just divorce that spur people into those “Eat, Pray, Love moments”, that just happens to be the issue the book deals with and the issue that seems to be pervading my life. It could be any life changing complication or bump in the road. If you walk away from a broken situation believing the lie that you don’t need to face your real life, your real mistakes, and can instead hide or start over, then you are a quitter. And this book makes it okay. It says “hey, run away, be indulgent, don’t worry about reality, make your own new reality where you don’t face any of the same struggles so have no idea how to deal with them when faced with them again” And that’s so incredibly sad.
I like the aesthetically pleasing. I like the sensory indulgent. I am easily manipulated. I find myself cheering for the author as she slurps up spaghetti, carbing her way to self love. I am envious of her travels, of her ability to up and go. Envious, even, of her ability to forget about her reality and jaunt across the world on her own with no one to answer to but herself. But in my heart I know something so firmly it breaks down my envy and puts in it’s place a deep sadness for the author and the millions of women looking at this story like the Bible. What I know is that there is no solace in running. There is solace in one place, in one thing. Coping with the peaks and valleys life brings is made possible by something bigger than an ashram and some worry beads, comfort comes from a more powerful source than the Italian love of food, and love, oh love. You will have no capacity to love anyone till you understand where Love comes from, and it comes from something so much more breathtaking than a handsome man on a beach.
If you liked the book/movie or find my rant offensive in any way, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to insult anyone. I just wish that we, as people, and even more as women, weren’t so desperate to find what’s missing that we jump all over anything that promises us more. I wish we found it where it really lies. With Christ.
That book is one of the biggest lies being fed women today. In so, so many ways.
The most blatantly dishonest thing about the book is that it is portrayed like it’s the product of a journey of self-revelation, and it’s not. It was the INTENTION of a journey of self-revelation. You may not see a difference here, but there is, big time. Elizabeth Gilbert didn’t set out to find herself, discover truths and wisdom and peace along the way and wake up at the end and say “I need to share this with the world, other women need to know what I’ve found!” Elizabeth Gilbert went to her publisher and said “I write travel pieces, I’ve written a book, what if we combine that? I will go lick my wounds abroad and make sure it’s a good read. It’ll be marketable.” (okay so I am making her sound a little more harsh than she probably said it) I am not insinuating the the author wasn’t hurting or in need of time away. I’m simply saying that she wasn’t working for enlightenment alone, she was justifying the advance she received from the publisher knowing full well if she went home the same broken unhappy woman she’d have to pay back that money and lose out on the money she would get from book sales. That’s irritating.
But that’s just technical deception, which at the end of the day isn’t too harmful, just helpful to know and understand contextually when reading the book. The tissues I hold with the book, to be honest, boil down to the same problem: life is hard, life stays hard, and being happy takes work. Not all the time, or even most of the time, but finding peace, loving yourself, and following God is a life long journey. Not something you discover over 10 months and then live happily ever after. Life is a series of happy moments, struggles, victories, failures, tragedies, affirmations and soul crushing days. Every time I go to the doctor and watch as they measure the babies heart rate, the rate at which the blood travels through the cord, his movements, and all that, I watch the peaks and valleys of the read and I think to myself and my son “This is what it’s like, you know, this is what being alive is like, highs and lows, peaks and valleys, get ready for it, look at this graph, this is how it’s going to be. The best I can promise you is that we will celebrate with you at the peaks, and help you learn to cope with the valleys.” And I wish that Elizabeth Gilbert had gotten that lesson.
Divorce is a complicated issue. What I can say is that there is nothing in this life that quitting makes better. There are people in my life who are going through divorce, who are having their “Eat, Pray, Love moment”, and as lovingly as I can, I want to state that divorce requires nothing of you other than that you give up. I hate giving up. Hate it. It requires no work, no real self evaluation, no attempt at bettering yourself. A lot of people would say that that is what Elizabeth Gilbert did after her divorce, but lets get serious, how hard would it be to find happiness living in an adorable apartment in Italy with literally nothing to do other than eat delicious food and hang out with people who are an entire world away from who you are in your day to day life? Who couldn’t find peace if they spent their whole day praying and seeking it out? And who couldn’t find love if you lived in an exotic jungle house, just a bike ride away from blue oceans and white sand beaches and were tall, blonde, and beautiful? How much courage does it take to run away, build an entirely new existence, one that has nothing to do with your actual life, and just start over. Isn’t the more courageous thing to do to face yourself where you’re at, take responsibility for your part in the demise of whatever you’re mourning (your marriage, your job, your happiness, whatever), and find out what happiness and peace and God look like in the context of your actual life?
The truth is there are some interesting things said in the book, the ideas presented aren’t necessarily bad. The idea of finding yourself, learning how to be open to love, learning to enjoy your life, demanding the Lord meet you in your prayers, these are good ways to live your life. My problem with the book is that Elizabeth Gilbert did not live her life this way. She vacationed this way. Whenever we went to camp as kids and teenagers, speakers would tell us over and over to not have just another “camp experience” meaning that we needed to take home what we learned there, to follow through on the way you want to live once you’re back in real life. It’s not just at camp, it’s any time you’re in an intensely focused environment. They say “take this back and apply it to your real life” because the leaders and teachers know that learning how to do something outside your every day environment means translating it back to your every day environment is difficult. And my biggest problem with the book/concept/movie is that there is no encouragement for women who can’t finance an across the world year long jaunt, who can’t do anything other than look at where they are and say “I have to make it better here and now”. There is no accountability saying “when you get back from Italy the same every day struggles and every day downers will still exist and you still have no coping mechanisms for how to handle it other than to run away.”
Let me state very clearly that I am not trying to be judgmental about divorce. Just for the record. When I say that divorce requires nothing of someone other than to give up, I am talking very broadly. Meaning that if you are someone who has or is getting divorced don’t feel that I’m saying you’re a quitter. I’m saying that if you are someone who has or is getting divorced, then mow over your life and rebuild with people or in a place who are not keeping you accountable to issues that brought you to that point, THEN you are a quitter. I know that divorce is complicated and there can be a lot of reasons for it and that it’s painful for all involved and not something anyone takes lightly. And it’s not just divorce that spur people into those “Eat, Pray, Love moments”, that just happens to be the issue the book deals with and the issue that seems to be pervading my life. It could be any life changing complication or bump in the road. If you walk away from a broken situation believing the lie that you don’t need to face your real life, your real mistakes, and can instead hide or start over, then you are a quitter. And this book makes it okay. It says “hey, run away, be indulgent, don’t worry about reality, make your own new reality where you don’t face any of the same struggles so have no idea how to deal with them when faced with them again” And that’s so incredibly sad.
I like the aesthetically pleasing. I like the sensory indulgent. I am easily manipulated. I find myself cheering for the author as she slurps up spaghetti, carbing her way to self love. I am envious of her travels, of her ability to up and go. Envious, even, of her ability to forget about her reality and jaunt across the world on her own with no one to answer to but herself. But in my heart I know something so firmly it breaks down my envy and puts in it’s place a deep sadness for the author and the millions of women looking at this story like the Bible. What I know is that there is no solace in running. There is solace in one place, in one thing. Coping with the peaks and valleys life brings is made possible by something bigger than an ashram and some worry beads, comfort comes from a more powerful source than the Italian love of food, and love, oh love. You will have no capacity to love anyone till you understand where Love comes from, and it comes from something so much more breathtaking than a handsome man on a beach.
If you liked the book/movie or find my rant offensive in any way, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to insult anyone. I just wish that we, as people, and even more as women, weren’t so desperate to find what’s missing that we jump all over anything that promises us more. I wish we found it where it really lies. With Christ.
For a like minded, albeit less spiritual view check out this good article.
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