Or at least, that's when I started this post, so instead, since I'm publishing it on Tuesday, Happy Tuesday!
I don't particularly believe in New Years resolutions, mainly I think because it seems like something cheese-tastic and silly that gets done with no real commitment to it. I have goals, like lots of people, and I do use the new year to sort of re-evaluate where I'm at with them and how far I've come or not come. But my goals don't usually change. Actually each year the list probable gets longer because as I work toward correcting one thing something new pops up and must be added, it's like focusing on trying to change one area of character automatically means another area feels unattended to and goes hog wild.
SO my list of goals can be broken down into two categories: 1. specifically spiritual, and 2. daily functional. Because yeah, I'd like to lose 20 lbs by my birthday or be more organized, but those things don't change my heart or my spiritual state. And without setting spiritual goals for ourselves we get stagnant or just end up going in circles. So here are my goals:
SPECIFICALLY SPIRITUAL:
1. Discipline - This one is pretty self explanatory, and usually ends up as like #4 or 5 like "Oh yeah, I need to be more disciplined" but as I was compiling my list this year I thought about how if I am more disciplined it will be a starting point for me to be strengthened in most of my other goals. So I gave it top billing. Kind of a "if you build it they will come" kind of thing.
2. Competitive nature - This doesn't mean what you think it means. It's complicated. There are certain people with whom I am in some sort of weird competition. It's not everyone and it's not all the time, but there is this very strange superiority complex part of me that compares my life or job or attitude or church involvement or whatever to someone else. It's honestly not about making myself look or feel good, I think it's more about reassuring myself that that person is not as good as everyone else thinks, and though other people may be duped, I'm not. That's not even a good explanation. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person but at least I know that I do this and am trying to work on it. We all have faults, man.
3. Joyfulness/Bad attitude - Sometimes joy is hard for me. A big part of that is my job. That's not an excuse, it's actually part of the goal. I work in a pretty stressful, not fun environment and for the last almost 4 years it has certainly sucked my joy. And the thing is that I know that my job is a place where I need to retain that joy the most since almost all of my other environments are with Christian people in Christian places, and my job is a place where I should be a light. But the fact that I can get so bogged down and let it fester just totally changes my disposition at work and completely makes me unproductive as a Christian in this unChristian world. Truthfully, it can eek out into other areas of my life and it's something I need to control.
4. Tithing/Money management - I don't totally suck here. But I'm certainly not as compliant slash attentive as I should be. For the last couple years I have probably been the most responsible I have ever been where money is concerned and I really like that I'm developing that skill. But I need to take it further. Being better doesn't mean being awesome at it, it's just better than being terrible at it.
5. Pray without ceasing/Read or Meditate on the Word daily - Again, pretty easy to get.
FUNCTIONAL GOALS:
1. Exercise (in some way), every day - I like fun exercise. Climbing trees, playing at the park, going swimming. It's easier for me to exercise when it's something other than a treadmill or stair climber, though I do want to incorporate that.
2. Make an effort to eat healthy - I know that this sounds pretty blah as far as goals go, but it's not. My meals during the week are pretty regulated. I love LOVE healthy cereal and oatmeal so I always eat that for breakfast, my lunch is whatever is for lunch at work that day and because I work in a nursing home, that means the lunch is automatically portion and calorie controlled. Then dinner and evening snack on my own, but I do okay. That's how it is NOW. Post baby I won't be at work so I will lose that structure and that automatically controlled lunch. Plus I'll be home all day....bored munching is never good. So this is more of a upcoming goal than a current behavior changing goal.
3. Make one home cooked meal a week - I'm not talking hamburger helper (though I love it), or spaghetti because those are things that are relatively easy. I'm saying once a week I'd like to make something from scratch-ish that takes effort and a little time. This might sound again like a dull goal, but truthfully I really enjoy cooking, and I want to make sure I keep it as part of my life. I know baby will make things complicated, so this is a flexible goal, but I want to keep it as an official goal so that I try to honor it.
4. Be less cluttered/Live more simply - I know any current moms reading this are laughing at all my practical goals, and probably collapsed laughing at this one. But I need this goal. I'm a pretty cluttered person in general. I'm working right now at uncluttering (I did the upstairs last weekend and it went like gangbusters!!!) and I need to maintain that mindset. I'm not saying have my home spic and span all the time, I'm just saying don't keep crap I don't use/need and don't let stuff just pile up because I don't know what to do with it.
So. Those are my goals. :)
The Smiths
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
**UPDATE**
Honestly I thought my next update would be more New Years slash my goals oriented, but then I realized I hadn't really explained the latest on the baby stuff. SO.
It's not preeclampsia. Well, not yet anyway. Despite the highest blood pressure yet, the doctor said that all the tests came back good and showed no signs of preeclampsia or the damage it can cause, she said that this means the high blood pressure is just hypertension. I kind of breathed a sigh of relief and said good. The doctor looked at me. So I said "Not good?" and she said "Essentially the same thing." (Uhm. Why do you have different names for it if it's the same thing?) She told us that hypertension is pre-preeclampsia and that if I was having blood pressure issues that early on (at that time I was about 21 weeks) then I would most likely become preeclampsic during the course of my pregnancy and would probably end up on bed rest. Awesome. So since that appointment I have been taking my blood pressure three times a day (with this fancy little wrist devise) and sticking to the regimen of baby aspirin and lovenox. Over the last two weeks my blood pressure has only spiked as high as at the doctors once, but otherwise it's stayed relatively calm. Not good but not worse. Yesterday was another doctors appointment (due to all this fun stuff I'm in every two weeks now) and the doctor told us that although my blood pressure is still higher than it should be it's not high enough that she feels like medication is necessary. I'm supposed to keep monitoring everything and until things get worse we're in a holding patten. She reiterated that I will most likely end up on bed rest before the end of the pregnancy and told me that I should talk with my boss now and let her know that this is coming, she also told me that I should be doing no overtime at work (gee, that's sad). Today I go back in real quick for an ultrasound, I don't totally know why she didn't just do it yesterday....regardless she said that with high blood pressure it's really important to watch that the baby is developing normally since these issues can often lead to underdevelopment, size wise. I'm excited because we haven't seen the baby since 19 weeks and now I am 24...I expect like a little face to be making googley eyes at me!! :)
I'll post the picture tomorrow so you can all see him too!
In other brief and succinct news: People have been so sweet and generous. One of my youth group girls bought me a Linus blanket, like from Peanuts. It's so soft and adorable. And my Aunt Cathy made a blanket that has a little hood on it and it too is SOOOOO soft and adorable. And a girl at my work wants to give me her bouncy chair. Apparently her babies didn't really dig it and so it never got used. Woohoo!!
Also, this Saturday is my first free day since before Christmas. No obligations, no people, no distractions. So I am planning some major overhaul. I really hope I live up to the expectation of productivity I am setting up....it's just that if I do end up on bed rest it will make me crazy that I didn't get the cleaning/purging done that I want to do. I have a feeling I will not be very good at bed rest...I'm not the most medically compliant person.....
Anyway. I am being positive and hopeful and thinking that maybe I just don't even have to end up doing bed rest or early inducing or any of that stuff. Hopeful or naive?
It's not preeclampsia. Well, not yet anyway. Despite the highest blood pressure yet, the doctor said that all the tests came back good and showed no signs of preeclampsia or the damage it can cause, she said that this means the high blood pressure is just hypertension. I kind of breathed a sigh of relief and said good. The doctor looked at me. So I said "Not good?" and she said "Essentially the same thing." (Uhm. Why do you have different names for it if it's the same thing?) She told us that hypertension is pre-preeclampsia and that if I was having blood pressure issues that early on (at that time I was about 21 weeks) then I would most likely become preeclampsic during the course of my pregnancy and would probably end up on bed rest. Awesome. So since that appointment I have been taking my blood pressure three times a day (with this fancy little wrist devise) and sticking to the regimen of baby aspirin and lovenox. Over the last two weeks my blood pressure has only spiked as high as at the doctors once, but otherwise it's stayed relatively calm. Not good but not worse. Yesterday was another doctors appointment (due to all this fun stuff I'm in every two weeks now) and the doctor told us that although my blood pressure is still higher than it should be it's not high enough that she feels like medication is necessary. I'm supposed to keep monitoring everything and until things get worse we're in a holding patten. She reiterated that I will most likely end up on bed rest before the end of the pregnancy and told me that I should talk with my boss now and let her know that this is coming, she also told me that I should be doing no overtime at work (gee, that's sad). Today I go back in real quick for an ultrasound, I don't totally know why she didn't just do it yesterday....regardless she said that with high blood pressure it's really important to watch that the baby is developing normally since these issues can often lead to underdevelopment, size wise. I'm excited because we haven't seen the baby since 19 weeks and now I am 24...I expect like a little face to be making googley eyes at me!! :)
I'll post the picture tomorrow so you can all see him too!
In other brief and succinct news: People have been so sweet and generous. One of my youth group girls bought me a Linus blanket, like from Peanuts. It's so soft and adorable. And my Aunt Cathy made a blanket that has a little hood on it and it too is SOOOOO soft and adorable. And a girl at my work wants to give me her bouncy chair. Apparently her babies didn't really dig it and so it never got used. Woohoo!!
Also, this Saturday is my first free day since before Christmas. No obligations, no people, no distractions. So I am planning some major overhaul. I really hope I live up to the expectation of productivity I am setting up....it's just that if I do end up on bed rest it will make me crazy that I didn't get the cleaning/purging done that I want to do. I have a feeling I will not be very good at bed rest...I'm not the most medically compliant person.....
Anyway. I am being positive and hopeful and thinking that maybe I just don't even have to end up doing bed rest or early inducing or any of that stuff. Hopeful or naive?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Events Are Eventful!
It's been something of a hectic week. I had a doctor's appointment bright and early Monday morning, what I thought would be a quick in and out check up. It turned into a two day marathon of blood work, protein checks, and back and forth to the lab. Fun day.
Run down up until this point: Due to a family history of Factor Five Leiden I knew at my very first doctors appointment to ask them to do the test. Factor 5 is a blood clotting disorder. It breaks down like this, you have two genes that regulate your blood and control clotting. If one of them is mutated or doesn't function properly you are heterozygous Factor 5. If both of your genes are out then you are homozygous Factor 5. While heterozygous isn't as bad and doesn't increase your risk of blood clots nearly as much as being homozygous does, it still increases the risk, and if you're pregnant, then you're already at an increased risk, so any kind of positive test for Factor 5 is bad. I tested heterozygous so around my 8th week they started me on a baby aspirin a day regimen and a daily injection of lovenox, a blood thinner, to be sure that no clots interfered with the health of myself or the baby. The shot is certainly not my favorite thing in the world, but hey, what can you do. At 19 weeks I had a big deal appointment with a specialist who measured baby's body, head and heartrate to be sure that he was on track with development (woohoo, he was!!). He said that since I have no personal history of blood clots and am only heterozygous that he felt I could come off the lovenox, but stay on the aspirin. This was music to my ears.
Cut to Monday's doctor appointment. As I'm discussing this with my regular doctor she is taking my blood pressure, she's mid sentence (the sentence by the way was "I agree and am comfortable taking you off the injections") and suddenly gets a funny look on her face and checks my chart. Turns out my blood pressure is high. Not a lot high, but I'm pretty on target for blood pressure, I'm usually the same exact numbers, no variation. And this was no two point jump. She turned to me and asked if I'd been having any "abnormal symptoms"....
SIDE BAR: If you're a doctor, please know that someone who has never been pregnant before doesn't know an irregular symptom from a regular one. They're all irregular to me!! Every time I sneeze my pelvic muscles feel like a rubber band has been snapped against them! That's not a regular occurrence in my pre-pregnancy life, so don't ask if I'm having irregular symptoms, they're ALL weird.
My doc began listing things off, severe headaches that didn't respond to rest or Tylenol, pain in the right side of the abdomen, just under the rib cage, pain in the shoulder, dizziness or lighteheadedness...(okay, so maybe these do seem a little irregular, but I'm tough! I tough things out!!). I think with each symptom she listed my face took on more and more the look of a sheepish little kid who had been caught doing something they didn't realize was wrong. (Which I really didn't know, by the way, because a lot of that stuff can be explained away with normal pregnancy whatevers, how was I supposed to know that all together it meant something!?!). Obviously I realized something was wrong. She started making notes and talking about tests and blood work and then said "Given this new information I'm really uncomfortable taking you off the blood thinners." ::sigh:: SO close. Apparently all of those symptoms together spell out preeclampsia. Which any recently expectant mothers know is not something you want to hear while you're pregnant. It wasn't a complete shock as Factor 5 increases your risk of developing preeclampsia. I'm not going to go into too much about it, if you want details check out the Mayo Clinic article or the Google Health article. Succinctly it's a condition that constricts your blood vessels, causing high blood pressure and can severely decrease blood flow to the kidneys, liver, and uterus, which means, it can be dangerous for baby, if he doesn't get enough blood he doesn't develop right. There's more to it, but like I said, I don't want to go into details (mostly because it freaks me out). The only way to cure preeclampsia is to not be pregnant anymore, meaning a planned early c-section or early induced labor. I'm not going in for this tomorrow or anything, just giving an overview. The only treatment for preeclampsia is bed rest at home. In fact that's the treatment for MILD preeclampsia. If it gets to be a more serious problem you rest in a bed in the hospital. Woohoo. This is something they decide pretty quickly after diagnoses and insist happens right away.
Where we stand now: Waiting. My doctor scheduled me an appointment to come back in next Monday so that all the lab work and test results will be in. I do not definitively have preeclampsia. I could go in there on Monday, have stellar blood pressure and totally normal labs and walk out free and clear. Or I could go in and walk out, go home, do not pass go, do not collect a paycheck for the rest of my pregnancy, and have to lay in bed for the next couple months. I really don't know at this point. I know that the doctor was fairly confident it was preeclampsia, so I want to be hopeful, but I don't want to get my hopes up...does that make sense? I know that my kidney function and liver function tests came back with good results. Both my kidney and my liver are functioning and doing it well. So that's good. So right now we wait till Monday and talk to the doctor and see what happens from there.
For the record: When I do too much online research or look at peoples stories or read message boards, I get freaked out, I get really scared and wonder what's going to happen. I had a really great day Saturday where I kind of bonded with the baby and stopped worrying about all the stuff that had been scary and just focused on how cool it will be to meet Gabriel and hold him and sing to him and play jokes on his dad with him (he's totally going to be my accomplice). So Monday was hard to choke down, and all the information and stories and possible scenarios are really terrifying and I tend to be a worrier (not good for the blood pressure). But on the whole, when I'm not staring at a computer screen full of intimidating facts and figures, I am alright. Yes, it's scary, but I'm alright. I'm trying to stay positive and strong and keep my heart set in a hopeful, faithful, trusting place. If you're reading this and you have slash know preeclampsia horror stories, keep them to yourself. I don't want to know. Thanks. :)
I've looked into some things I can do to naturally try and lower my blood pressure. I plan to spend every night for the next month doing deep breath meditative stretches to soothing music while eating a sweet potato and drinking tomato juice.
Isn't that a FABULOUS plan?!
Run down up until this point: Due to a family history of Factor Five Leiden I knew at my very first doctors appointment to ask them to do the test. Factor 5 is a blood clotting disorder. It breaks down like this, you have two genes that regulate your blood and control clotting. If one of them is mutated or doesn't function properly you are heterozygous Factor 5. If both of your genes are out then you are homozygous Factor 5. While heterozygous isn't as bad and doesn't increase your risk of blood clots nearly as much as being homozygous does, it still increases the risk, and if you're pregnant, then you're already at an increased risk, so any kind of positive test for Factor 5 is bad. I tested heterozygous so around my 8th week they started me on a baby aspirin a day regimen and a daily injection of lovenox, a blood thinner, to be sure that no clots interfered with the health of myself or the baby. The shot is certainly not my favorite thing in the world, but hey, what can you do. At 19 weeks I had a big deal appointment with a specialist who measured baby's body, head and heartrate to be sure that he was on track with development (woohoo, he was!!). He said that since I have no personal history of blood clots and am only heterozygous that he felt I could come off the lovenox, but stay on the aspirin. This was music to my ears.
Cut to Monday's doctor appointment. As I'm discussing this with my regular doctor she is taking my blood pressure, she's mid sentence (the sentence by the way was "I agree and am comfortable taking you off the injections") and suddenly gets a funny look on her face and checks my chart. Turns out my blood pressure is high. Not a lot high, but I'm pretty on target for blood pressure, I'm usually the same exact numbers, no variation. And this was no two point jump. She turned to me and asked if I'd been having any "abnormal symptoms"....
SIDE BAR: If you're a doctor, please know that someone who has never been pregnant before doesn't know an irregular symptom from a regular one. They're all irregular to me!! Every time I sneeze my pelvic muscles feel like a rubber band has been snapped against them! That's not a regular occurrence in my pre-pregnancy life, so don't ask if I'm having irregular symptoms, they're ALL weird.
My doc began listing things off, severe headaches that didn't respond to rest or Tylenol, pain in the right side of the abdomen, just under the rib cage, pain in the shoulder, dizziness or lighteheadedness...(okay, so maybe these do seem a little irregular, but I'm tough! I tough things out!!). I think with each symptom she listed my face took on more and more the look of a sheepish little kid who had been caught doing something they didn't realize was wrong. (Which I really didn't know, by the way, because a lot of that stuff can be explained away with normal pregnancy whatevers, how was I supposed to know that all together it meant something!?!). Obviously I realized something was wrong. She started making notes and talking about tests and blood work and then said "Given this new information I'm really uncomfortable taking you off the blood thinners." ::sigh:: SO close. Apparently all of those symptoms together spell out preeclampsia. Which any recently expectant mothers know is not something you want to hear while you're pregnant. It wasn't a complete shock as Factor 5 increases your risk of developing preeclampsia. I'm not going to go into too much about it, if you want details check out the Mayo Clinic article or the Google Health article. Succinctly it's a condition that constricts your blood vessels, causing high blood pressure and can severely decrease blood flow to the kidneys, liver, and uterus, which means, it can be dangerous for baby, if he doesn't get enough blood he doesn't develop right. There's more to it, but like I said, I don't want to go into details (mostly because it freaks me out). The only way to cure preeclampsia is to not be pregnant anymore, meaning a planned early c-section or early induced labor. I'm not going in for this tomorrow or anything, just giving an overview. The only treatment for preeclampsia is bed rest at home. In fact that's the treatment for MILD preeclampsia. If it gets to be a more serious problem you rest in a bed in the hospital. Woohoo. This is something they decide pretty quickly after diagnoses and insist happens right away.
Where we stand now: Waiting. My doctor scheduled me an appointment to come back in next Monday so that all the lab work and test results will be in. I do not definitively have preeclampsia. I could go in there on Monday, have stellar blood pressure and totally normal labs and walk out free and clear. Or I could go in and walk out, go home, do not pass go, do not collect a paycheck for the rest of my pregnancy, and have to lay in bed for the next couple months. I really don't know at this point. I know that the doctor was fairly confident it was preeclampsia, so I want to be hopeful, but I don't want to get my hopes up...does that make sense? I know that my kidney function and liver function tests came back with good results. Both my kidney and my liver are functioning and doing it well. So that's good. So right now we wait till Monday and talk to the doctor and see what happens from there.
For the record: When I do too much online research or look at peoples stories or read message boards, I get freaked out, I get really scared and wonder what's going to happen. I had a really great day Saturday where I kind of bonded with the baby and stopped worrying about all the stuff that had been scary and just focused on how cool it will be to meet Gabriel and hold him and sing to him and play jokes on his dad with him (he's totally going to be my accomplice). So Monday was hard to choke down, and all the information and stories and possible scenarios are really terrifying and I tend to be a worrier (not good for the blood pressure). But on the whole, when I'm not staring at a computer screen full of intimidating facts and figures, I am alright. Yes, it's scary, but I'm alright. I'm trying to stay positive and strong and keep my heart set in a hopeful, faithful, trusting place. If you're reading this and you have slash know preeclampsia horror stories, keep them to yourself. I don't want to know. Thanks. :)
I've looked into some things I can do to naturally try and lower my blood pressure. I plan to spend every night for the next month doing deep breath meditative stretches to soothing music while eating a sweet potato and drinking tomato juice.
Isn't that a FABULOUS plan?!
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