Fast Forward

It's been a little over a week since my makeup fast ended, with my suddenly busy schedule and the holidays and everything I didn't have a chance to record my thoughts. But now things have slowed down and I can take a second to review what I've learned and discovered.

1. My focus on how I portray myself seriously detracts from how I portray my God. The scriptures are full of examples of how a face all on its own can speak of the Lord and I'm too concerned with making my face speak of something so much more selfish its quite frankly a little disgusting. There's nothing sinful about my love of makeup or feeling pretty, but there is something sinful about my neglect. I have neglected giving God the opportunity to be seen in me, I have neglected to choose Him, to be more about Him than I am about myself. In the Bible a changed countenance started with an experience, an encounter. During this fast I used the time I normally spend applying my eyeshadow and I created space for the Lord, I invited Him to make an encounter, and He showed up. I think the most powerful thing I learned, or relearned, is how easy it is to spend time with God. All we have to do is ask and He is eager to be there. And it is impossible to convey God without encountering Him, it is impossible to be about Him without those intimate moments with Him.

And 2. As a Christian I hold certain beliefs, heck as a human I hold certain beliefs. I believe human life is precious. I believe this planet was a gift. I believe that I am responsible for my actions. And I believe that my money is part of the equation in all three of these instances. During my fast I spent time really researching the companies I buy cosmetics from, what they did, how they ran, who owned them and what those companies did and how they ran. The information out there on things like who has their packaging made in sweatshops in China or who is using a production process that is polluting the water of the city they operate in can be hard to find. It's inconvenient and time consuming to find it. But it's also important. The more money I give to a company who does things the shady way, the more they are going to produce and there will be nothing to make them reevaluate their policies. The reality is many of the major cosmetic companies have zero transparency when it comes to supply chain, supplier supervision and enforcement of policies. Meaning that a company may not test on animals or use harmful chemicals in their makeup, but they also won't tell you exactly how they make or from where they get the plastic containers that hold all their makeup. Which usually means its done in a way that is technically legal but deplorable. So the question becomes does my love of lipstick trump my beliefs? Does my conviction only extend as far as what is convenient? Or does the call the Lord places on all Christians to be champions for the poor and mistreated extend this far?

For me the answer is yes.

I can't put my frivolousness over the very lives Christ called me to protect. And it doesn't just extend to makeup. Our lives are filled with products and companies that save us time and are convenient and on the other end of that convenience is a human life we are taking advantage of, a town being polluted for the sake of our comfort, a natural resource being depleted in an irreparable way. And I cannot claim to love and follow God, and still financially support that kind of activity.

I hate hard lines, they're impossible to stick to and beget more guilt than anything else. So I can't say I will never be guilty of indulgence or taking the cheap and convenient way out, because somehow this social responsibility has to balance itself with fiscal responsibility and living within my means, but I will try, from here on out, the very best that I can, to be socially responsible across the board, to convey Christ across the board, to be a champion for the mistreated, the poor, the defenseless, and the planet, His gift to us that were trashing.

So that is the end of my makeup fast journey. I still love makeup, I still wear makeup, and will still buy makeup, but I won't buy it till I'm out, and when I do it will be from a company that meets certain criteria. And I won't depend on that makeup to convey something about myself, rather depend on God to use me to convey something about Him.

If you have curiosity about the companies you're buying from and their social and ethical responsibility, here are some places you can go to find out:

www.goodguide.com
www.organicconsumers.org
www.ethicalconsumer.org
www.ecosalon.com (this one is no longer actively posting but still has good resources)
www.csrhub.com
www.free2work.org (this one is also an app and its amazing)

I Feel Pretty

No I don't. It has not gotten easier to feel pretty or beautiful without my array of colors, correctors, and highlighters. I keep waiting for my "come to Jesus moment" and it's not happening.

Interestingly I find myself compensating in how I dress. Cute trendy clothes I haven't worn in ages either due to pregnancy weight or because of my SAHM status (I'm a clothes hoarder, I don't like to "waste" outfits on days at home) are finding their way out of my closet and onto my body. I'm guessing this isn't much better than a makeup covering.

The point of this particular intentional self-denial is getting fuzzy. Who cares if I need help feeling pretty. Who cares if I try to convey my hoped perception with makeup. Who cares if I am seriously financially and emotionally addicted?

I miss eyeliner.

Peaches and Cream

I have always had clear skin. Or clear compared to people who deal with acne. To me "broken out" is the two noticeable pimples on my forehead. That I currently have. That my puny concealer is failing to conceal. That my oodles of untouched makeup would make disappear.

I hate no make up month.

Challenging

Today is a day one. Of what you ask? Well that answer begins with the book I'm reading. 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. Dude. Check.It.Out. Life changing. The concept is that to break out of a cycle of selfishness and consumerism the author chooses to abstain from or drastically reduce an area of her life, one area a month for seven months. Month one she ate only seven foods, month 2 she wore only seven items of clothing (not counting under garments). Month 3 she gave away over 1,000 items from her home, some to organizations but a lot to people, she prayed intentionally for the Lord to show her who to give what to and he did (I sobbed through that chapter). And that's as far as I've read so far. But it's a GREAT book.

But I'm not doing that.

In the beginning of chapter one she quoted three questions posed during a sermon at her church. The answers to these questions influenced her decisions of what areas to abstain from or reduce. The answers pointed to what in her life was occupying space in her heart and time in her life, and money that she spent that could all be put to better use. The questions:
1. What in my life if taken away would alter my value or identity?
2. What causes an unhealthy change of attitude or focus when it becomes threatened?
3. What is the thing outside of God that you put everything on hold for?

I thought about these question for a long time trying to see what in my life they pointed to. And I couldn't think of anything. I'm not saying I'm perfect, trust me, or that I don't have idols in my life. I just couldn't think of something that convicted me. I kept saying things and didn't feel the stir of the spirit go "yeah, THAT". Until I thought "Maybe....makeup?"

If you know me you know I love makeup. Obsessively. I have TONS of it. I once did a rough calculation and somehow I have accumulated over $3,000 worth of makeup. Now to be fair, I ignore the supposed shelf life of my personal makeup. I have eye shadow palettes that are five years old. So this has been amassed over years. Secondly a significant amount of it was bought with gift cards (a Sephora gift card is the way to my heart) or bought for me as a gift. So I didn't spend that much on makeup straight up. But I still own all of it, am still known as the person to get makeup for, and did spend a lot of my own money. I really believe there is a transformative power in makeup, more than just physically. When you like how you look you feel good and that eeks out into your whole life. Its not just makeup, it could be shoes that make you feel pretty or tall or fast, or a suit that makes you feel accomplished or powerful it successful. Sometimes it's as simple as mascara. And sometimes it's as intense as a full on MAC makeover. But we all have things we do to make ourselves look good and it makes us feel good and there is nothing wrong with that.

Cut to my $3000 worth of makeup.

In relation to the questions posed I realized a few things about myself and my love of makeup. I use makeup to control how people perceive me. Because I WANT to control how people perceive me. I use makeup to compensate for the fact that I don't believe I'm pretty enough (deep seated issues going back to elementary school, we've all got 'em). And I use makeup as a status symbol ("why YES this is a $26 lipstick").

So I began to wonder what it would be like if I gave up makeup for a month. If I decided to abstain or reduce, what would that look like? What would the point be? Could I really do it? And this is exactly the thought process that went through my mind, rapid fire (and in an increasingly higher pitch):
"Except concealer cause I'm broken out right now and of course my under eyes are an issue so one thing of concealer to be used JUST on pimples and under eyes. And of course mascara because I have no eyelashes otherwise. I'll look so pale...andcream blush cause I don't normally use that and can add just a touch on my cheeks. I'll take good care of my skin and use lotion and stuff...I should keep in my liquid illuminator, just to add a few drops to my lotion for a little glow. And a tinted lip balm and one gloss. A colored pigmented gloss. Although would I really want to do this this month? My anniversary is this month. Although we're not going out, well be [insert place] that weekend.....with [name] and [name].....do I really want [name] and [name] to see me sans makeup!?! I don't think I can handle that-"

At which point in started to legitimately feel panicked. I realized that although I love makeup there's nothing wrong with that, there is something wrong with using it (or anything else) as a crutch or a means of which to bandage issues instead of deal with them. And there's something wrong at becoming panic stricken at the thought of others judgements because your shield I makeup was down.

So there you have it folks. Today is day one of my 30-day Makeup Free Challenge. And by "makeup free" I mean "reduced makeup". For the next 30 days I will be on restricted makeup, and completely abstain from makeup shopping, makeup testing, or looking at makeup looks (I do this one a lot), all this in an effort to deal with some of my issues and let God show me a better use of my love, time, and money.

Wish me luck.

(Below you see pictures of the makeup I use on a typical, "no frills" day, the makeup I'm restricted to, and what the difference looks like on my face)